tripper

you are such a tripper.. stop it! damn.. why am i so gullible? argh!

"Quit playing games with my heart" (by Backstreet boys)
pwde ba? este with my load? wala na akong pambayad sa line ko eh..

guys

someone gave me a bracelet.. i'm quite hesitant when i accepted it.. but i don't want to make him feel bad so there.. it's with me already :D i must say... that's so damn sweet. it made me smile. and i sooooo love it! hihihihi :D but i can't ignore the fact that i'm still not so into him. i got bored before with him. so now, i feel there is less spark already. i want to give him a chance but i need first to make him my "crush" again because right now, i don't like him that much anymore. i guess i need to give him another shot.... i liked him before.. so there's no point of not liking him again. i guess... am i bad?

another someone sent me a text message.. and it goes like this..
"Seeing you again makes me realize that being ones beb is very hard. its very ironic that you're the only girl im afraid of in terms of being with.. coz im afraid that i might see your tears fall down thru your sparkling eyes (yun bola.. gumaganon pa cya.. ) and i cant afford of having such thing. somebody told me ur the baby of the barkada. well, i treat you as my own beb.. anyhow, my feelings from you since college didnt change.. as you can see, im still here even from other sequences that happened.. i wish you could be my "beb"..."

-- that made me smile also.. kinilig ako.. but these are just words right? i wanna believe it but part of me says "text lang nman yan".. anyhow, thanks for the kind and nice words. i like it. but i keep asking myself.. why are they so afraid to give a shot with me? why are they so afraid to make me cry? that's part of life already.. everybody cries. everybody gets hurt. that's human nature.

for someone whom i will love, i'm sooo ready to get hurt because of you. i want my tears fall down from my eyes because of you. i want my heart to ache because of you. i wanna be bad because of you. because those will show how much i'll be sooo in love with you. those will be the reasons why my heart beats for you. those will be the reasons that i can say i'm still human.. i'm ready but where are you? are you the one who is already in front of me? and i'm just being blocked by people who doesn't really take me seriously but i'm allowing them to because i'm having the fun? i admit.. i love the fun of meeting and interacting and getting to know a lot of guys. i must say.. that helps in boosting of long lost self esteem. i don't know but i'm enjoying myself. i'm having fun. i'm quite happy. but sometimes.. i get confused... i just love boys. or i guess i love the attention (hope some will understand why i love this). or maybe both? is that bad? malandi ba? i don't want to be malandi... i just want to be happy. even for just a while..

comment lang: i don't want people calling me "beb" anymore.. i'm getting confused already. two guys are calling me that. nothing's wrong with it since that is my nick since childhood. but when these guys are calling me that... it seems all wrong! hope you get what i mean...

something old and new

is he back again? i dunno... not sure yet.. but i just hope he's not making a fool out of me.. not this time.. not again.

olats.. tsk tsk...

Chrismas Wishlist

Ultimate Wish 1 : Canon DSLR 450D or kahit anong Canon or Nikkon DSLR (Haaay... I wish..)
Wish 2 : Love life (Hehehehe)
Wish 3 : A Sexy Bod (LOL! Wissssssssshhhhhh!!)
Wish 4 : Nice and astig Jacket
Wish 5 : Belle de Jour or Starbucks 2009 Planner
Wish 6 : Make ups with kit
Wish 7 : Lots of parties/gimmicks this Christmas

Sana ma-receive ko lahat.. Or kahit ilan lang dyan sa mga yan. Kahit ung ultimate wish ko lang, maligayang maligaya na ko. :D Hehehehe!

At sana maligaya tayo sa darating na Pasko...

Christmast Party tayo??

thoughts of you

i cant feel you that much..
bakit ganon?
you're not that sweet.
i know there's effort...
pero there are times that i really can't feel you're into it. that you're into me.
napressure ka lang ba?
sometimes naisip ko.. napipilitan ka lang.
correct me if im wrong.
sorry pero minsan yun nararamdaman ko.
i don't want to pressure anyone.
i'm not that desperate pa naman eh.
there are times na naiinis ako sayo coz i was trying so hard na lumapit sayo. kausapin ka.
pero feeling ko lumalayo ka. hindi ka interesado.
or cguro mali lang ako.
cguro napaparanoid lang ako.

i like you.
do you really like me?
if not, then i won't force you.
hahanap nalng ULI ako ng iba na magugustuhan ako.
ayoko ng umabot sa point na nasasaktan na naman ako.
im not so into pa naman...
totoo.


miss na kita.
ewan ko.
pero sa mood ko ngyon.
ayoko makita ka.
labo ba?
mababago lang cguro kung mapapakilig mo ko.
kaso wala eh.
kelangan ko ng spark.
at gusto ko mahanap yun sayo.
onting kilig naman jan.

Nang magparamdam bigla

10-09-2008 post

Boy: Hi geni.. :)
Me: Hello ****..
Boy: U look good.. :)
Me: Thanks. You too.. Haha!
Boy: Bola ka nman.. :P
Me: Snabero..
Boy: Pinansin nga kita. :) kw jan eh.
Me: Woooo sabi mo eh.
Boy: Pumayat ka ba?
Me: Hindi. Bakit may cnbe ba akong pumayat ako?
Boy: Wala lng.. Parang lng.. Hehe!
Me: Ikaw tumaba haha!
Boy: Tgal na. Bagay naman dba?
Me: Yup. Bagay naman.
Boy: See.. :) Sn pla kyo galing?
Me: Nagdinner sa kfc with ***..
Boy: Ahh.. Musta nman dinner? Hehe!
Me: Ok nman. Busog.
Boy: Takaw.. :) di mo ko ntiran..
Me: Muka nman busog ka na eh. --hahahahahah! ok dva? hahaha
Boy: Yabang mo tlga..
Me: Joke lang. Eto nman.
Boy: Nasasaktan ako. Huhu
Me: Macho macho mo nga eh. --galing ko mambola noh? hahahaha
Boy: Labas sa ilong.. Wla ka ba work? --yes its labas sa ilong hahahahha!
Me: Meron.
Boy: Work ka na jan.. Mwah!

--end of text conversation--

Just wanna share one of my landi moments with someone i used to make landi.. :P i wont deny.. kinilig ako. napasmile nya ako sa simpleng texts na yun. i dont know why. naiinis ako sa nararamdaman ko. hindi dapat ganito. hindi dapat ako napapasmile o kinikilig. pero anong gagawin ko. hirap itago.

anyway.. yun lang nman eh. wala yan. tamang landi lang sa araw na to. naisip ko tuloy bigla c ** (boy2). bakit hindi na cya nagreply after ng last text ko? haaay.. bakit hindi cya ganon kasweet? baka napressure lang cya.. haaay..

at least someone made me super smile.. pero napasmile din nman ako ng boy2 kanina. both of them made me smile. its just that boy1 without giving much effort, made me smile more. cguro dahil sa past na din.

i realized.. cguro namiss ko lang cya kaya ganyan nalng ngiti ko. wala nman masama dba? yun lang naman. no more. no less. :)

temporary insanity

09-29-2008 6pm post:
argh this can't be.. i can't get you out of my mind!! argh! maybe because i'm doin' nothing now. and it so happened that i was with you awhile ago.... adding the love song background on my ipod.. that intensifies my emotion. no!!! this can't be. we haven't really go out two alone and have the chance to REALLY get to know each other so this is just nothin'... damn my heart beats so fast. i'm smiling.. shocks! am i getting insane? or i'm just in a really good mood today. well, maybe that is the reason. i'm in the mood today :D thats it! yipee!! no more no less :D

but there's one more thing... i want to see you again today. i'm a bit missin' you.. or maybe not. i don't miss you. this is nothing. gosh! i'm on denial?!?? but i can also say.. the emotion is not yet that strong. sometimes i don't like him. sometimes i do. nevermind... don't mind me. i'm out of my mind right now. just typing whatever pops in my mind...

another thing.. i'm getting myself ready for my new look.. but i'm still undecided whether to cut my hair really short or not.. but i really want a new look... haaaaaay. so hard to decide on this. this is a MAJOR decision i have to make. once i have decided on it, there is NO turning back. NO UNDO. you'll just have to accept the consequences of what you've done.... harharhar! seriousness mode... (parang love life lang... :P )

will i cut my hair or not? uhmmmm....

Ang tsinelas

August 22, 2008. Friday night.

Around 7:00 PM sa aking cubicle sa office.

Tahimik sa paligid. Halos lahat ng tao ay nasa labas at kumakain ng hapunan. Habang ako, nakaupo lang. Nakikinig sa radyo ng isang telepono. Naghihintay ng emails ukol sa ginagawa kong trabaho. Naisip kong umihi dahil kanina ko pa ito pinipigilan.

Tumayo. At nagpunta ako ng cr.

Umihi. At natapos din.

Habang itinataas ko ang aking pantalon, napatingin ako sa aking mga paa.. sa nail polish na ako mismo ang naglagay. At napatingin din ako sa suot kong tsinelas. Kulay gray ito.

Napatingin ako sa kaliwang pares ng aking tsinelas. Kulay gray. Ang brand ay Banana peel.

Napaisip ako ng ilang segundo. Nagtaka. Hmmmmm...


Sabay, ibinaling ko na ang pansin ko sa kanang tsinelas ko. Kulay gray din. Ang brand ay Havaianas.

Uhmmmmmm.....

Shocks!!!!! Shocks!!!!!!!!!! Magkaiba ang suot kong tsinelas! Gusto kong mapaLOL ng literal sa loob ng cr. Napakatangang nilalang at hindi ko napansin iyon. Tsk tsk tsk. LOL! Ngayon lang nangyari sa tanan ng buhay ko na magsuot ng magkaibang pares ng kung anumang bagay. Hahahahahahah! Shet! Stupid! Gaga! Leche!

Pinagmasdan ko ang aking suot na tsinelas.. Hmmmmmm, pero in fairness, hindi naman halata (pampalubag loob lang... ). Kung iyong pagmamasdan lang naman ng mabuti tska mo lang mapapansin at mapapaLOL ka talaga.

Sabay inisip ko ang mga nagdaang pangyayari kanina. Sa MRT? Hmmm sana walang nakapansin huhuhu! Nakatayo pa nman ako sa bandang gitna. LOL!

Sa bus? Uhmmmm... sana walang tumingin sa mga paa ko na kulay mustard yellow pa naman ang nail polish... LOL!

At dito sa office? Uhmmmm kanina pa ako namamasyal dito.. At walang nagtatangkang makapansin.. Buti nalang! Hahahah! Buti nalang at gabi na rin... Mas lalong hindi mahahalata. LOL!

Carry ko parin naman eh! May poise parin naman! Siyempre!

Ito ang tunay na fashionista at trend maker! LOL! =))

Shocks! Isa sa mga hindi ko makakalimutan at nakakahiya at napakatangang pangyayari sa buhay ko...

Wala akong pake! Carry naman 'day! :P

Sorry naoverused ko ang 'LOL' word... hahahaha! LOL!

hello world to Gab!

Meet my first ever pamangkin.. Gabriel Sebastian Bruno...





So adorable... So cuuuuuuuute! Ang balbon. Namumula buong katawan. Parang call center agent lang. Pang night shift dahil tulog cya buong araw. Cant tell pero parang singkit. Tapos ang cute cute ng labi. Kamay nya parang mga kamay ng babae. Ang hahaba at ang ganda. Ang mga paa parang isang kaing ng saging. Hahahha! Imagine that. :P So fragile.. So innocent. Parang angel na ang himbing himbing matulog kahit anong ingay pa sa paligid niya.. Sarap mong iuwi! Mwaaaaah!

geni meets barista guy

Textmate: Where ka?

Geni: Ofc po. Y?

Textmate: Dito kc ako sa baba ng pbc. Hehehe lalng.

Geni: Pbc?

Textmate: Pbcom?

Napangiti ako nun. Kinabahan bigla. Shet! Makikita ko na din cya at last. Parang eyeball kumbaga.. :P

Geni: Ahhh.. Kita kayo ni Bob?

Textmate: Antay ko cya wait bob (something like that..)

Geni: Ahhh.. Uhmmm gawa mo jan?

Textmate: Baba ka muna saglit.

Geni: Ah ok. Cge saglit lang.

Geni: San ka banda?

Textmate: Sa baba. (Pilosopo..)

After 5 minutes, bumaba na ko.

Hinanap ko siya sa paligid ng Pbcom. Wala hindi ko makita. Hindi ko nga sigurado kung anong itsura ng hinahanap ko.

Geni: San ka banda?

Textmate: Mcdo.

Hindi ko parin mahanap.

Textmate: Sa Likod mo.

Wow! Hahahaha! At yun nakita ko din cya. Uhmmm may itsura. Gwapo. *blush blush! Nagkakwentuhan sa tapat ng Pbcom. Barista! Wow! Yun ang pangarap ko. Pero ngayon pangarap kong magkaron ng boyfriend na Barista. Hahahaha! Gwapo niya. Rosy cheeks. Medyo chinito. Medyo payat nga lang pero carry naman. Haaay kunwari hindi tense. Pero hindi ko maiwasan. Hindi ako mkatingin ng diretso sa knya minsan. Wehehehe.

Minsan.. Dadalaw ako sa coffee shop mo. At sana may libreng kape ako tulad ng sabi mo. :)

Aug 04, 2008 moment

Ako'y papunta sa kinaroroonan ng aking kikitain. Biglang may sumambit sa aking ngalan.. "Gen! Gen! Gen!" Hinanap ko kung saan nanggaling ang boses. Lumingon ng ilang beses. Pinasyal ang mga mata sa mga taong nakatayo sa smoking area. Nandun, nakita ko ang aking kabarkada. Nilapitan ko. Kinamusta. Nagkamustahan. Nagkabiruan. Nagkuwentuhan saglit. Napagtanto ko na may naghihintay nga pala sakin, kaya't nagpaalam na ko sa aking kaibigan. Ayun, nandoon na nga siya at naghihintay sa akin sa isang sulok. Nagtatago. Ang plano namen ay magmerienda sa Mcdo. Ngunit sa hindi ko alam na dahilan, sinabi niyang sa Jollibee na lang. Napaisip ako. Dahil ba sa dadaanan naming daan ay madadaanan namin ang aking kabarkada at makikita siyang kasama ako? Dahil ba ayaw nyang makita na magkasama kami at baka matsismis at makarating sa babaeng iniiwasan nyang malaman ang aming ginagawa? Yun ang unang pumasok sa isip ko. Hinayaan ko nalang na tumakbo sa isip ko ang mga katanungang iyon ng walang basehan. Ngunit sa loob loob ko, baka nga yun nga ang totoo. Masakit. Nasaktan ako. Ngunit hinayaan ko nalang dahil ewan ko. Napakasakit itago ang katotohanang "unconsciously" mo akong kinakahiya at tinatago sa madla. Nakakababa ng pagkatao. Nakakapanget. Hindi ko alam. Panget nga siguro talaga ako. Nakakababa ka ng self - esteem dude. Napakamanhid mo. Napakaselfish mo.

Maganda ako in my own little ways.. Leche ka hindi mo makita yun. Bulag ka nga siguro talaga. O may malaking muta ka lang sa mata at ayaw mo tanggalin. O d kaya, may catarata ka na at natatakpan na ang buong mata mo.. Malas mo hindi mo ko makita ng buong buo. Pasensya nalng. Siguro nga, ang mga mata mo ay tinadhana na makita ang ibang kagandahan. At hindi ako yun. Oki lang hehehehe.. (Yan ang confidence... Hahaha!)

Pero leche talaga.. Ayoko sa lahat tinatago o kinakahiya ako ng kahit sino. Bullsh*t tlga!!! Hate you!!!

such a player

You can't be in love with two persons at the same time. Its either you're telling the truth with the other one and you're fooling the other one, or you're totally lying. But in this case, I'll agree with the first one. You are telling the truth to her. And you're fooling me. You keep on fooling me!!!! Damn you!! F*ck you!!

"I miss you hun." "I love you hun."

Sa kabila naman...
"I miss you baby love." "I love you baby love."

Whatta player huh?? Cool! Pinapahanga mo na ako sa kagalingan mo. Can you believe it? You're so wise. Feeling ko nga nahahawa na ko sayo eh. I'm becoming a flirt and player na din.. I'm getting wise techniques from you eh.

She's for display and I'm for secrecy. Pang secret lang ba ang beauty ko? Pakyu!!!

Oh well, whatever suits you dear. In time, God will find a way. And in time, mapupuno na ko. Masusuntok nalng kita. ;) Sa ngayon, hahayaan muna kita. I'll waste my time with you. Play with me. And I'll play with you. Enough for love. It's not worth it.

Bitter bitteran... (Kumukulo lang dugo ko ngayon.. Sorry naman..)

let's shop!

I miss shopping. I'm supposed to go shopping a while ago. I want to go to St. Francis. But I have no company. Though sometimes I prefer shopping alone, maybe at this moment, I want to have company while shopping. Unfortunately I can't find anyone. Aiza is in Alabang. Gaze.. uhmmm Ortigas is quite far from her place and yes, she went to San Pablo yesterday to celebrate her sister's passing at Nursing Licensure Exam. Congrats btw! :) Mich? Uhmm I texted her. But she didn't reply. Too bad, I have no choice but to stay at home for the weekend.

Saturday. Supposedly scheduled to go to the dentist but my brother re-scheduled me next week so I watched Desperate Housewives Season 3 all day. Define couch potato. In-between episodes, I managed to have my nails done by myself. Hehehe. I finished the whole season at around 1130pm. Then afterwards, I went to bed. Define boring. Damn! What's social life again? Please expound. Wehehehe.

Sunday. Woke up at around 11am. Its raining so hard. I just want to sleep all day. But, I can't . I'm serious with my diet now. And too much sleep will just make me fatter. Got up from bed then watched tv. Define couch potato again. By 630pm, I attended mass. Having the urge again of shopping just a piece of something, I thought of dropping by at Gateway. But nature says stop! I have to go home immediately since the rain was starting to pour again. God's little way of saying, don't spend much hehehe. And now, I'm downloading Made of Honor. Can't wait to watch this movie.

Hey... let's shop! One of these days. Most probably during weekend. Please??? My hands are itching for new stuffs. And I miss the malls hehehe. Haven't shop for quite sometime already. Please? Alright?

damn you!

i wanna stop this nonsense... right now!

the most awaited wedding of the century

She and arman's wedding is fast approaching. Still, I haven't managed to seriously start my diet routine. I just can't resist hahahaha! But not all of the time naman. Sometimes I'm in control nman.. Sometimes nga lang din I'm not :P. Can't help it that after I ate something with millions of calories in it, I feel so sad.. Hehehehe.. Basta diet!!!! Exercise!! Control! Discipline! That's what I really really need. I don't wanna look like some kind of lumba lumba on their day. Pictures will be everywhere! And I have to be conscious with that.. Hehehe arts ko noh? Wa pake! Oh well... Can't wait to see the sketch of the gowns that we'll be wearing. Hope that will suit me... And oh my gosh! My hair still hasn't grown longer..I want my hair to be beautiful on that day. Uhmmmm hindi nman ako excited noh? Slight lang :P

Diet and exercise! I can do it! Tira tira! (Awwww I miss watching My girl and other primetime bida teleseryes... Side comment lang...)

my inmost thoughts right now...

We've been seeing almost most of our times. I feel happy whenever I'm with him. There are no pretentions. I can do whatever I want. I can speak out loud what's in my mind. But.. Yes there is a but. But, there are still lots of thoughts and questions in my mind. And they keep on pouring out each and every day that passed by. Each time I feel that I have to let out something, I just cry. I have to. I can't tell him that. I tried to tell him what I really feel once or twice. And I just got dismayed by his reaction. He didn't do anything. He just said sorry. And that's it. It's a simple sorry and by the way he told me that, I felt he really will not do anything about it. And I just have to accept his apology. I don't know when this will gonna stop AGAIN. Coz I'm not looking forward to it. But I feel that's gonna again SOON. When she gets back, I will be forgotten again. I will be left in the corner like some kind of a toy that can't be repaired anymore. Bitter? Negative thinker? Well, I'm just expecting the worst that can probably happen. I also thought that we'll never be more than friends. That's already far from reality to happen. Also, I thought that the more I interfere with their relationship, the more they get stronger. So might as well not interfere them and just be ok with them. I lost. :( Indeed, reality bites. And it really hurts.

What's happening to me right now is going on circles for years already. And for that years, I've never changed. I'm still stupid, numb and blind. When will I get my right senses? When the right person comes... I guess.

On the other side of my life, I'm starting the hate my new schedule. I miss my social life. And I guess I can't live without them. Coz that's the only thing that gets me going and keeps me happy and alive. And I think I'm lifeless now. My life is so damn boring. Sleep. Eat. Go to work. Sleep. Eat. Go to work. Damn! How can I get thin with that routine? I hope and I pray for a new opportunity to come my way. I'll grab it immediately I swear! Haaay oh well.. This is the risk I have to accept when I decided to transfer to a new company. Just give me more time to digest it.

Btw, I miss my friends. I miss multiply. I miss friendster. I miss blogging. I miss movies. I miss tambay at Starbs. I miss chillin'. I miss the malls. I miss the boys. I miss everything I used to be doing before in OCS. But I have to accept my new life now. I love my work. I just hate my schedule. :(

A goat bit me!

Last night, I had a very weird dream. Here it goes....

My family (I think.) and I were in a tree house. The tree house was in a very tall tree (as in tall!! I can touch the clouds.. Harharhar!). It got out of balance then it fell. Woah! But good thing, we landed safe and some people with goats rescued us. While walking, a goat suddenly bit my foot. Damn! It really hurts. As if its for real coz when I woke up, its as if I can still feel the hurt.

Weird huh?

I told my dream to Agtarap. Then she said that there's a meaning behind that dream. She gave me this.

Goat
To see goats in your dream, represents your lack of judgment and your gullibility. Also consider the associations with the goat as in "scapegoat" or "getting someone's goat".

To dream that a billy goat butts you, forewarns of enemies trying to get hold of your business plans.

Wow! I was shocked with the interpretations. I got scared. "Getting someone's goat"? Nah! I'm not stealing anything from anyone. But the last statement hit me. Enemies are trying to get hold of my business plans? Woooow! Scary.. Though I still don't have business plans right now. Harharhar!

Anyway, I won't get affected with that. Just some weird dream of my so many weirder dreams to come.

fuckin' bored

If boredom can kill, then I'm dying.. Argh! So damn bored!

3rd post for the day.. More posts to come.. Harharhar!

sadness

i dont wanna see a glimpse of you 'coz im just gonna miss you so much... :(

Kick Off

I just want to share one of the best shots captured during our kick off last May 23-25. This was taken in Mt. Samat Bataan. Cool isnt it? Astig.. Really love this shot. :D

Photo taken by Gabriel Soong.

Halo halo stories

3pm-12midnight
Hope this time will help me move on and get on with my life.
Hope this time will help me forget my feelings for him little by little.
Hope this time will help me find what I'm looking for.
Hope this time will help me find myself. (Coz I'm lost harharhar)
Hope this will help me find the happiness that I've been looking for a long time.
Hope I won't regret this big decision I'll make.. rather I already made.
Hope I can cope with this change I'm gonna deal with.
Hope I can easily adjust.
Hope for my growth.
Hope for the best of me.

Help me pray for myself. For my career. For my love life.. hehehehe! Chika lang!
This is the hardest decision I have made so far in my life.
To leave my beloved company for better opportunity..
I have to do this for myself. For my growth.
I will surely miss them all.
Poor me.. I got so emotionally attached with my friends here.

What made me really sad is when my crush officemate asked a favor from me. :P

Crush 2: Favor po.
Me : Yes
Crush 2: Pwde pa-hug sa last day mo?
Me : Awww.. Dun ako nalungkot.
Me : Sure po.

(Description of Crush 2 below) :P

Landi ba? Hehehe but.. I felt really sad after he said that.. :( I will miss him. I will be missing them all. I will miss everything. From parties, outings to lunch outs. As in everything.

Sadness is conquering my mood again. Sadness Galore. Reminiscing unforgettable moments with them. Browsing precious pictures with them. Haay.. Ill upload all of our captured moments some other time. They will surely never be forgotten. I will cherished them forever especially my close friends, and my crushes hehehe.

Crush 1:
What if I'll tell you that I'm starting to like my officemate. That officemate is not just an officemate. He got a nice smile. Nice set of teeth hehehe. Nice posture. Nice height. Nice diction. But he was the one who ruined our La Union trip before!! Aiza got it? Hahahaha! I don't know but I like him. I'm starting to like him. I wanna be close to him. But I heard, he's seeing someone else already. I saw his Flickr page. There's a girl there. I think she's the one. I'll be so mean if I tell you that she's not pretty at all. But that's the truth! Thus, she looks old. Argh! Bitterness! But that's a fact.. Promise!

Crush 2:
But there's also this someone who's been making me smile each time we talk. I've been eyeing him a long time already. He's tall. He's macho before but now, hahahaha he has full of flabs. But he's still goodlooking. He's really nice. I love talking with him. He's a joker. He's a photographer. Wehehehe! I love photographers! Hahaha! Haaay.. I will surely miss him.

Crush 3:
But wait.. there's more. I still have another crush. This one.. I've never got the chance to talk to. Sad sad.. But I still like him. He's smart. He's chubby. Hehehe! But I love it!

Crush 4:
And last but not the least... The guy at the 27th floor. Macho. Hunk. Moreno. So-so guy. Not that goodlooking but may dating...

Gosh! I got 4 crushes. But none of them likes me.. :( Anyway, ill miss them all... Ill miss making landi landi with them. I mean for those I can only talk to. So I'm making the most out of my stay here by talking with them everyday.. :D Sila lang naman mamimiss ko talaga kaya hirap ako magresign. Kaya nalulungkot ako. Kaya I'm having second thoughts.. Wow! Hahahaha Landi... But honestly, they are one of the reasons promise. Hehehehe!

--- End of Landi Mode ---

what a day?!?

im gettin' bored. i have nothing to do. damn, i hate this. oh come on... i can't even think of something to write on. my mind is empty. blah blah blah blah blah! what an unproductive day!

"Closing Cycles"

"Closing Cycles" - Paolo Coelho

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end.
If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.
Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters - whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.

Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end?
Did you leave your parents' house? Gone to live abroad?
Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden? You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened.
You can tell yourself you won't take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that.
But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister, everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.

None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us.
What has passed will not return: we cannot for ever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back. Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away.

That is why it is so important (however painful it may be) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.

Let things go.
Release them.
Detach yourself from them.
Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose.

Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood.
Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.

Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the "ideal moment."
Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back.
Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person - nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.

Closing cycles.
Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust.

Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.

goodbye e-wam!!!!

my thoughts before going home..

argh! my boss still hasnt finalized our talk regarding my resignation. basta, i will decide within this week.. rather tomorrow na pala. i have to. i feel she's doing some delaying tactics. but i have already made up my mind. if ill resign, my last day will be on the 20th of june. i dont care if its less than a month. i talked to her yesterday, that was may 20. sakto na yun. if they will counter offer me with what i want within this week, then ill stay. anyway, ill be using java full time and the benefits here are real good. that's the best part IF, and ONLY IF, there's a counter offer that will occur (wish wish wish!). GOODBYE E-WAM! harharhar! (im bad.. hehehe. )

but then, all i want right now is a long sleep. i haven't had a good night sleep for the past few days because of this issue. define eyebags! anyway.... think positive!!

as i've said before...

"Destiny belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams and have the courage to pursue it. Don't stop when you are tired. Stop when you are done."

ill happily embrace what destiny will give me because i believe that will be the way to achieve my dreams and aspirations in life. just think positive! :D wish me luck for whatever decision i will make. risks are parts of life. i have to accept them. i have to embrace them. bless me.. :D

dream dream dream!

been feeling not so good since friday..
my body aches.
my head aches and spinning.
wasnt able to sleep well last night.
as if im experiencing insomia.
been dealing with stressful events these past few days.
just want to take a leave tomorrow, and on wednesday, as well as on thursday.
kung pwede lang eh..
want to take a loooooooooooong rest..
but of course i wouldnt miss friday.
cant wait for that day to come! really excited ;)
this is really is it.. i swear!

on the side note...
im craving to have a vacation for at least a week.
in time... ;)
just have to make "ipon ipon" and spend less.
to do that. ill minimize shopping. have to avoid malls for a while.
dinners, movies and coffee breaks must be minimized also.
in time.. my dream of travelling out of the country will be just within the grasp of my hands harharhar!
how i wish..
i really love to visit she in hk.. hahahaha! as well as mickey mouse :P
im dreaming of going to palawan, camiguin and boracay as well.. hoping hehehe..

haaay dream dream dream!
THINK POSITIVE! i can do it! :D

beach beach bitch!

this is it. this is really is it! hahaha
finally.. we're going out of town.
we're going to the beach!
love it!
though its kinda gloomy.. carry na yan.
i can predict its gonna be sunny tomorrow until sunday.
i can feel it... yipeeee!
beach.. here we come!!
finally.. a time to unwind. a time to get away from reality even for a while.
thank God! :D

join us!

i hate tuesday...

only a day before his departure.
i think i cant..
im getting depressed.
i havent slept well.
so many thoughts on my mind..
my head is spinning.
my head is aching.
but i need to report to office.
to keep myself busy.
but i really cant concentrate.
he's always been on my mind for the last few days.
i even dreamt of him.
i dont know if im gonna enjoy my beach outing this weekend.
i hope so.
i need to keep him out of my mind.
but i really cant imagine that i wont be able to see him again.
cant imagine that he's already beyond my reach.
cant imagine that he left.
cant imagine that he left me just like that.
are we back to being strangers?
what will we be after a certain period of time?
will we still communicate?
will he still get in touch with me?
i just saw him for less than an hour last night.
that wasnt enough.
but what can i do? he planned to show up just for a while.
that was the last moment i had with him.
and it breaks my heart knowing there isnt gonna be a next one.
though im just one of his friends... he's everything to me.
i miss him already.
im gonna miss him big time.
i wont be able to text or call him whenever i want to..
i think i really cant.. i swear..
what will i do? nothing! coz this is reality.. and i cant change his destiny.
thats what he wants.
thats for his future.
it sucks that im still loving him.
it sucks that im hurting like this.
it sucks that i cant get over him.
it sucks that im always being left out by people i really care about.

i want to see him now.
but he's busy.
he already took this day off.
he's packing up.
he's arranging important things.
and there's no more time for me.
there's no more time for us to see for the last time.
time does not permit me to see him again.....
time and destiny doesnt permit us to be together.
and i hate it!!!

there's no one who could help me but myself.
i need to be strong.
or should i say, i need to pretend to be strong to cover up my torn heart.

hope tomorrow wont come.
hope it will forever be a MONDAY.
hope time will freeze.

but then again.. I've got to get a move on with my life.. though it hurts. it really hurts big time..

Just a favor: Please don't ask anything from me regarding this one. I don't want to talk about this.

mema post

inaaliw ko lang sarili ko... pagbigyan nyo muna ako..

Anyway, take a look at these interesting pictures. Look-a-like pose shots..

Original Shot

Our version :)

Who's more glamorous? hahahahahahah! =))

Meet the wife of shrek..

And the bride of barney..


Uhmmm mema post lang po... ;)

i crush him

i'm starting to like someone. *blushing*
he's a so-so guy.
but i just like talking with him.
i dont know.
basta i think i like him.
wont spill his name.
hiya pa ako eh.
crush lang naman eh. :P

he's leaving soon...

can i make it?
am i strong enough to accept reality?
can i wake up one day accepting that he's already way beyond my view and touch?
can i accept that we'll be thousands of miles away?
.. that i won't be seeing him anymore?
.. that i won't be able to feel his touch?
.. that i won't be able to hear his voice? his jokes?
can i really make it?
can i live with that?

i miss surely and undeniably miss him.
i already miss him now.
how much more if we'll be thousands of miles away?
is this really our destiny?
is this our fate?
that i can't change it anymore?

sad to say, ako lang ang nalulungkot.
can't feel his sadness that we'll be parting soon..

hope for his safety there.
hope he''ll be ok there.
hope he'll be back.
hope he won't forget me.
hope he will still keep in touch.
hope he will keep in touch, not just during his first days/weeks there, but on his entire stay there.
hope for his happiness.

but i also hope for my happiness to come back.

im starting to get depress as days passed by.. really.
im starting to fake all my actions to hide my true emotions.

maybe, i need some time alone for a while.

just wanna let this out! im suffocated!

how i wish i knew how to quit you...
youre hurting my emotions already.
im so hurt.
i feel used!
damn you!
starting now... ill be trying my best to get you out of my mind and heart.
i want a new life.. a better life..
if living a life with you will only makes me worst, then i dont need you.
maybe without you, ill be better.
maybe without you, things will be easier.
maybe without you, i wont be limiting myself anymore.
maybe without you, i can breath freely.

i just dont know how to quit you..
knowing you'll be leaving, then probably that will be my starting point.
by then, in time, without me knowing.. im totally over you.
i want that.
im craving for that feeling.
coz right now, im still half crazy believing that you can still love me back.

in time...
in time.... life will be at its proper place.
and im positively looking forward for that.
hope that will be soon..

WANTED!

WANTED: BOYFRIEND

Requirements:
Physical aspects
- Good Looking; Cute pwde na din
- Tamang build ng katawan
- Hindi masyado matangkad
- Fair complexion
- Neat
- Ok pumorma

Personality
- With sense of humor
- Loyal
- HONEST
- Trustworthy
- Hindi makitid ang utak
- Can make kwento of anything
- Adventurous
- Always on the go
- Simple
- Not a player
- Not a flirt
- Man of word
- Hindi talkshit
- Ayoko patweetums
- Can make friends to my friends and family
- Responsible
- Yung magkakaroon ako ng magandang future [pang husband na ata toh.. :)) ]
- Hindi kuripot [ Harharhar! ]
- Yung ipagmamalaki ako sa lahat ng tao
- Not a user
- Mahilig sa movies at magdvd marathon
- Mahilig sa beach
- May magandang trabaho na bubuhayin ako [ bakit hindi?! ]
- At higit sa lahat, ililibot ako sa lahat ng dako ng Pilipinas at ng mundo :D


APPLY NOW!
Send your updated biodata with 2x2 ID picture as well as your whole body picture :D
See you soon!
I also accept referrals. Fresh graduates are welcome to apply.

---Im not in desperate mode naman dba?! Hehehehe

why?

They say, everything happens for a reason.
Im still wondering what that reason is.
I want to know why this is happening to me.
I want to find for that reason.

sumpong mode

everybody's so busy.
me? not so..
can't find someone to talk to..
haaay..
this is one of the moments wherein i feel so alone and lonely without any reasons at all..
and if i say "lonely", i mean it..
i'm really lonely right now.
its as if im deprive with everything.
its been awhile since i last go out.. and right now, i think that's the one i need.
i want to go out. have fun. chill. and enjoy myself.
but how? everybody's so busy..
wrong timing...

someone told me "may sumpong ka"
maybe he's right..
one of my topak moods..

vain! vain!

Cute cute! Taken and Editted from my very low-end phone.. So what?!? I dont care! hahahaha! Its cute naman :P
Anyway, good morning everyone! Im in the good mood right now..
I left my negative vibes at home so i think this day will be a great one for me. Good for me harharhar!

cold summer nights

Cold Summer Nights Francis M
[verse]
I keep on blaming my self
I should have eaten my pride
How can I convince you
It’s just a matter of time
Many times I’ve hurt you
With my foolish ways oh girl
Now I know I have to pay the price
Is there a way for you to turn around,
Turn around and come back baby
Ohh baby can’t you see…

[chorus]
It’s been cold summer nights since we drifted apart
Cold summer nights since you walked out that door
Cold summer nights… oh, here on my own
Coz I miss you baby, I need you here

[repeat verse]

[repeat chorus 2x]

Baby… baby… ohh

saw francis m @ zirkoh last sunday night. he's sooooo good looking.. knowing he's already 40plus of age. he looks like 26.. hahahaha! love him soooo! so hot! so yummy! heheheheh...


collage shot of our pixies.. nice going out with you guys! great show! great night! great company! love it! love you all!till next gimik..

boring wednesday

still no updates regarding my job applications....
waiting patiently....
hopelessly waiting for the job ive been longing to have... *sigh*
need to pray harder...
still not losing hope..

"Destiny belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams and have the courage to pursue it. Don't stop when you are tired. Stop when you are done."

unpredictable tuesday

just suddenly he's not in the mood to talk to me.
just suddenly he's so cold to me.
did something happened to him? or with them? that he treats me so differently right now.
paranoid? i dont know.
well, i cant do anything about it. i can't demand. i can't argue with him.
all i can do is just keep still and continue life.
that's reality.
this is my reality.
this is my sad reality.

"Sabi-sabi ng mga kaibigan ko
H'wag mong pilitin ang hindi para sa 'yo
Ngunit bakit hindi kita makalimutan
Sa 'yo ba'y okey lang?"

"Sana'y 'di ka mainis at
Pasensya na kung ako ay makulit
Pero kung gusto mo
Ako na lang ang lalayo
Kung okey lang sa 'yo"

just when i thought everything's gonna be ok with us, he suddenly acts differently.
how can i stop assuming that he also cares for me?
how can i stop assuming that he feels something for me?
how can i stop loving him?
how can i get tired of this feeling?
i wanna know how...
coz i've been stucked up here for a very long time already..
how can i free myself?

or will i just continue dreaming that in time... he'll learn to love me. to choose me. to accept me.. to fight for me..
will that time come in my lifetime?
sometimes i feel that my being too patient leads me to nothing. and i feel that now...
i feel terrible..
im terrible..

been always blogging about him..
maybe you pity me so much for i keep on telling stories about him.
maybe you keep on laughing because you've never met someone as stupid as me.
im sorry. this is me.

if only you will understand every bit of what i feel...

i was fooled!

"darn!?im hurt! nabangga kotse ko!!!!! my head is bleeding! shet!"

- who would have thought that this is just a joke? oh well, this is just a joke. a very bad joke from someone. darn! i was fooled! i was just so damn worried.. i immediately called him right after i got this text message. darn again! he's not answering his phone.. i kept on calling him for the nth time. unfortunately, i failed. i also tried to text him for like 100 times but unfortunately again, i failed to receive a reply from him. after an hour of calling and texting him, i received a text message...

"happy april fools hehehehe"

bullsh*t! that's not a good joke. argh!

anyway, thank God that was just a joke but then again, that's a bad joke. so bad of him to do that to me.. argh!!!

craving for change..

I've been longing for change. Im craving for it. When will change come into my life?
I'm so fed up with my everyday life right now. I have to drag myself to go to work. Im so pissed off with my boss. Just the thought of seeing her every day. Just the thought of opening e*** application every day. Damn! I've been taking leaves every week. This isn't nice anymore. Last year, I just had 5 vacation leaves. Take note of that. But now, I already have more than 5 leaves.. 8 leaves to be exact. Knowing that the year just started. See the difference? This ain't healthy anymore. It has been my habit already. I need to change my habit or rather, I have to change my work. The latter would be better I think. But, Im having a hard time looking for a job! Damn again! Ive been praying so hard for that. Hope I can find a new and better job SOON. Help me through prayers please. I need that so badly..

taking off my mask

I'm having a hard time wearing my mask. I can't pretend anymore. Coz I think I'm gonna burst already.
How can I pretend to smile and laugh, when all I wanted to do is to cry.
How can I pretend to happily mingle with other people, when all I wanted is to be alone.
How can I pretend to be busy, when I can't think of anything to do but to think of you.
How can I avoid you, when you alone make my day.
How can I pretend not to think of anything, when you unconsciously occupy my mind.
How can I pretend not to feel anything, when my heart still beats for you.
How can I pretend not to be hurt, when my heart is slowing breaking into pieces.
How can I pretend not to miss you, when every day that passes by I pray that I will be able to see you AGAIN.
How can I pretend not to love you, when I'm so deeply inlove with you.
How can I pretend to be happy, when as if all problems come together to take me down.
How can I pretend to be strong, when I have no reasons to be strong.
Now tell me, how can I pretend when all my actions are pure lies?

How can I fix the problems at home? Is there still a fix for that?
How can I fix my heart? Will there be someone who will help me fix it?
How can I fix myself? Im so full of problems right now.
Dont know where to start.
Just want to escape from reality.
Just want to fly away from here.
I need You right now.
I need Your guidance.
Please help me.

12 days..

12 days.. its been 12 days since i last saw you. seems like you dont like to see me anymore. no move or initiative from you to see me. am i losing you? are you still with me? coz ur not paying attention anymore. i guess i really am losing you.. im already expecting this to happen. but im not expecting this to happen now.. i guess time flies really fast. im getting tired already. i dont know. im not sure. i really dont know. all i know right now is im not happy. im pretending to be happy and ok. last weekend is the loneliest weekend. i feel so alone. well im really alone at home and that makes me feel really really sad. cant help it but i cried. i didnt noticed but tears just fell. i realized im really alone. and no one is there for me. no one will be there for you.

sa nalaman ko at sa pinapakita mo saken ngayon, ramdam ko na mahal na mahal mo talaga siya and maybe that is a sign na i should stop this na. i feel you're hurting. kahit gustuhin kong matuwa sa nangyari, hindi ko magawa kasi nakikita kong hindi ka ok. hindi ka masaya. kung ganyan ka rin lang, mas gugustuhin ko lang maging ok na kayo para sumaya ka na uli at bumalik ka na sa dati. napatunayan ko, she really is making you happy and complete. alam ko parang plastic tong sasabihin ko pero promise kung saan ka magiging masaya, magiging masaya na din ako. kahit magiging masaya ka sa piling ng iba. wala na akong laban. hindi ko na rin maimagine na magiging tayo pa. hindi na talaga. malayong malayo na sa realidad na mangyare yun.

sana paggising ko nakalimutan ko ng nangyari lahat ng ito. nakalimutan ko ng nangyari ULI ito. kasi nasasaktan na talaga ako ngayon. ayoko na pakita sa mga kaibigan ko na sobrang nasasaktan at nalulungkot na ko sa mga nangyayari kasi alam kong sawa na sila na ganitong nangyayari sa buhay ko.

i want to forget you but part of me still wants to stay. im so confused. i dont know what to do. oh well, i ALWAYS dont know what to do with my life..

i really love you so much.. ill always be your friend. and you will always be someone to me.