taking off my mask

I'm having a hard time wearing my mask. I can't pretend anymore. Coz I think I'm gonna burst already.
How can I pretend to smile and laugh, when all I wanted to do is to cry.
How can I pretend to happily mingle with other people, when all I wanted is to be alone.
How can I pretend to be busy, when I can't think of anything to do but to think of you.
How can I avoid you, when you alone make my day.
How can I pretend not to think of anything, when you unconsciously occupy my mind.
How can I pretend not to feel anything, when my heart still beats for you.
How can I pretend not to be hurt, when my heart is slowing breaking into pieces.
How can I pretend not to miss you, when every day that passes by I pray that I will be able to see you AGAIN.
How can I pretend not to love you, when I'm so deeply inlove with you.
How can I pretend to be happy, when as if all problems come together to take me down.
How can I pretend to be strong, when I have no reasons to be strong.
Now tell me, how can I pretend when all my actions are pure lies?

How can I fix the problems at home? Is there still a fix for that?
How can I fix my heart? Will there be someone who will help me fix it?
How can I fix myself? Im so full of problems right now.
Dont know where to start.
Just want to escape from reality.
Just want to fly away from here.
I need You right now.
I need Your guidance.
Please help me.

12 days..

12 days.. its been 12 days since i last saw you. seems like you dont like to see me anymore. no move or initiative from you to see me. am i losing you? are you still with me? coz ur not paying attention anymore. i guess i really am losing you.. im already expecting this to happen. but im not expecting this to happen now.. i guess time flies really fast. im getting tired already. i dont know. im not sure. i really dont know. all i know right now is im not happy. im pretending to be happy and ok. last weekend is the loneliest weekend. i feel so alone. well im really alone at home and that makes me feel really really sad. cant help it but i cried. i didnt noticed but tears just fell. i realized im really alone. and no one is there for me. no one will be there for you.

sa nalaman ko at sa pinapakita mo saken ngayon, ramdam ko na mahal na mahal mo talaga siya and maybe that is a sign na i should stop this na. i feel you're hurting. kahit gustuhin kong matuwa sa nangyari, hindi ko magawa kasi nakikita kong hindi ka ok. hindi ka masaya. kung ganyan ka rin lang, mas gugustuhin ko lang maging ok na kayo para sumaya ka na uli at bumalik ka na sa dati. napatunayan ko, she really is making you happy and complete. alam ko parang plastic tong sasabihin ko pero promise kung saan ka magiging masaya, magiging masaya na din ako. kahit magiging masaya ka sa piling ng iba. wala na akong laban. hindi ko na rin maimagine na magiging tayo pa. hindi na talaga. malayong malayo na sa realidad na mangyare yun.

sana paggising ko nakalimutan ko ng nangyari lahat ng ito. nakalimutan ko ng nangyari ULI ito. kasi nasasaktan na talaga ako ngayon. ayoko na pakita sa mga kaibigan ko na sobrang nasasaktan at nalulungkot na ko sa mga nangyayari kasi alam kong sawa na sila na ganitong nangyayari sa buhay ko.

i want to forget you but part of me still wants to stay. im so confused. i dont know what to do. oh well, i ALWAYS dont know what to do with my life..

i really love you so much.. ill always be your friend. and you will always be someone to me.