Belle de jour

I saw a very cutie planner online. Its called Belle de jour. Its so cute! (for me huh..) For more details, visit www.shopcrazy.com.ph.. If you think its cute and fits your personality and you want to order one, tell me please. I also want to get one (sabay tyo order.. :D). It costs P480. I dont know if its expensive or what coz im not keeping a planner before. Its just that if i want something, like Belle de jour, surely ill not stop until i got it. hahahaha kidding. Its also a good Christmas present for your friends.

Ciao!

I wish I wasn't

I'm home alone again
And youre out hangin' with your friends
So you say
Somehow i know it's not quite that way
It's getting pretty late
And you haven't checked on me all day
When i called, you didn't answer
Now im feelin' like your ignorin' me
I wish that you were home
holdin' me tight in your arms and i wish
I could go back
To the day before we met
And skip my regret

I wish i wasn't
In love with you
So you couldn't hurt me
It just ain't fair
The way you treat me
No you don't deserve me
Wasted my time
Thinkin' bout you
And you ain't never gon change
I wish i wasn't
In love with you
So i wouldn't feel this way

When you touch me my heart melts
Anything you did wrong i forgave, yeah
So you play me
And take advantage
Of the love
That i feel for you
Why you wanna hurt me so bad
I believed in you
That's why I'm so mad
Now I'm drownin' in disappointment
And its hard for me to even look at you
I wish that you were home(oh yes i do)
holdin' me tight in your arms(ooh baby)
and i wish I could go back
To the day before we met
And skip my regret

You said you cared about me
But from what i see
I ain't feelin' that
So i disagree
Gave you all my love
And understanding
And you treated me
Like your enemy
So leave me alone
dont want nothin from ya
Just go back where you came from
This house is no longer your home
You're not welcome no no no more
No (oo oo oo) more

Hear you knocking at the door again(and i wish, i wish)
I'm wonderin should i let you in(and i wish, i wish)
I open up the door and see the flowers for me
so beautiful in your hand
You start beggin' me to take you back(and i wish, i wish)
I've always been a sucka for romance(and i wish, i wish)
And before you know it I can see youre all over me
Oh no here i go again

I wish I wasnt in love with you
so you couldnt hurt me...

quote to ponder

When your feelings get strong for someone, its always wise to stop for a while and give your heart a time to breathe. A time to use your mind, to weigh the situation based on reason not on emotion. Because the saddest thing that can happen is when one falls inlove while the other wants nothing more than friendship. Love can sometimes be magic, but magic can sometimes be an illusion.

another quote to ponder on...
Who says drinking beer makes people fat? It makes them lean.. Lean against the walls, doors, trees, friends, strangers, toilet seats, lamp posts..... :P

stupid.. stupid me...

i cant stop myself from missing him so much.. i really cant hide it. im longing for him. i really cant take him out of my mind and my heart. my heart only beats for him and i really hurts. im so stupid that im still loving him even more though i know he felt nothing for me. i wanna forget all the moments with him. just the moments that we got closer and realized that im so much inlove with him. i know i should cherish those moments but the more i reminisce those moments, the more im hurting inside. if only there's a technology that could delete events or moments that you want to forget, i would be very much willing to try it just to be free from paranoia and heartaches.

.... i just want to be happy lang naman eh. that's all i want with my life. why are you depriving me to have it? mababaw lng kaligayahan ko eh. maging happy and be loved and accepted for who i am lang fulfilled na ko. mahirap ba un? i dont want any material things... i really dont them.

i still dont want to let go of this feeling.... but why not give chance to people who care about me? because my heart beats for him eh.. but he didnt feel the same naman eh.. so stupid noh?! pasampal nman! hehe..

broken

hay.. tagal ko ng d nagppost ah. oh well, weeks have passed and i came to realize that you cannot please everybody. mahirap pilitin ang ayaw. dont expect something in return. mahirap tlga magmahal ng kaibigan and i have accepted the fact that i will always be just his friend. ii dont wanna assume na kc mas lalo lng ako masasaktan and i guess im kinda tired na. though i still love him more than a friend. cgro ill just love him secretly nlng. masakit pero ok na ko dun. i expected so much without knowing that im expecting nothing. i exerted so much without knowing that it wont be appreciated. again, i wasnt able to stop myself from falling again...and be hurt again in the end.. here i am again... nagmahal ng sobra sobra tpos sa huli.. wla rin. its my fault.. i fall so deep. i cant help it eh. and now, i have to let it burn.. i know i can handle this and i know i can surpass this. i can hide this. i can move on eventually. but now??? i dunno... i really dunno...

dont be too sweet, i might fall even harder. let me feel dat im nothing to you though it will hurt me so bad but then it will let me realize that i should be moving on with my life without you. f*ck sh*t tlga.... im so inlove with you tlga eh... im so confused... i dunno what to do... sh*it tlga!! d nman kc nya ako mahal eh... d nya ako kayang mahalin.. :(

at last....

its been a long time since i wrote my last blog. hay i dont have time na kc. not that im busy. actually tinatamad lng. and nothing's new nman din to talk about.

well now... im so happy coz finally i received a job offer. finally promise. im so happy since i received 2 job offers. but ive need to choose the one that i think would further enhance my skills. so thankful tlga. un lng po. just wanna share the blessing that i got today. im also happy for aileen mern na din cyang bgong work. friends tlga tyo... haha wlang connection!

kowt

"when i was a little kid, i fell from a tree. but i managed to hold on to a branch. i was up there for a long time and wasted. the silence, the pain in my arms, the blood pumping in my ears. then i fell. i couldn't remember what happened when i hit the ground. all i could remember was the agony of holding on and the wonderful feeling of letting go."

just got this quote through a text from a friend. i hit my heart so hard that i just wanna share it with you. though, its not yet the time for me to let go of my feelings with the one i love right now. im still managing to hold on with my feelings with him and i think there will be no point for me to let go this time. lalng just wanna share

Hirap tlgang magmahal..

Mahirap magmahal sa taong hindi mo alam kung mahal ka din niya..
Minsan gusto mo ng sumuko.
Minsan gusto mo pa rin ipagpatuloy kahit masakit.
May puntong napapagod ka na rin.
Hindi mo alam kung anong iisipin mo.
Hindi mo alam kung anong ikikilos mo.
Hindi mo alam kung tama ba ang nararamdaman mo.
Hindi mo na naiisip kung ano ang iniisip at sinasabi ng ibang tao.
Ang mahalaga na lang syo ay ang nararamdaman ng puso mo.
Masakit man ito o masarap..
Habang tumatagal...
Habang lumilipas ang araw..
Mas lalo kitang minamahal.
Ni hindi ko naiisip na tanungin ang sarili ko..
"Mahal din ba niya ako?
O matututunan din ba niya akong mahalin?
Bakit kailangan niyang gumawa ng mga bagay na mas ikahuhulog ng loob ko sa kanya?
Kung wala naman siyang ibang pakay kundi pagkakaibigan lang..
Kahit iwasan kong hindi maramdaman, bakit umaasa ako?
Kahit alam kong walang kasiguraduhan, bakit nagsasakripisyo akong saktan ang sarili ko?"
Isa lang ang sagot dyan.. "Dahil mahal na mahal na kita kahit hindi mo alam..."
Minsan nasasaktan ako na sa tuwing magkasama tayo,
Hindi mo mailabas o maiparamdam ang buong pagmamahal ko sayo..
May pumipigil at yun ay ang katotohanang hindi naman "tayo".
At baka, hindi ko alam, may minamahal ka ng iba..
May mga oras na hindi ko na talaga alam ang gagawin ko..
Pero sa mga oras ng pagiisip kong iyon, pinipili ko parin pinagpatuloy ang nararamdaman ko para syo..
At magsakripisyo at wag sumuko.
Mahal na mahal na kita...
Tanggapin mo man yan o hindi, hindi magbabago ang katotohanang minamahal kita ng buong puso..

Senti mode..

alam ko mababaw lang at wala akong matibay na ebidensya.
pero bakit kelangan niyang ireject un?
eh di sana hindi na ko gumawa..
oo sanay na kong nirereject.
at sa tuwing nirereject ako or ung mga gingwa ko..
sobrang sakit sakit saken nun.
inaamin ko, sobra akong sensitive minsan at moody.
pero masakit naman tlaga ung natuklasan ko eh.
hindi ko maikita o maiparamdam sa knya kng gano ako nasasaktan ngyon.
kc wla nman akong karapatan eh.
kaya eto dito ko nlng nilalabas lhat ng sama ng loob ko.
kahit gusto kong magalit sa knya.. hindi ko kya.
hindi ko cya matiis..
nature ko na bang ako lge ang lumalapit?
tipong wla na akong kapride pride sa katawan..
ayoko ng gnito..pero ginagwa ko parin..
nakasanayan ko na atang maging gnito..
dahil ayokong may nagagalit sken..
aykong may lumalayo sken..
ayokong iniiwan ako..
kc ramdam ko sa sarili ko na wala nman nagmamahal sken..
hindi ko maramdaman na may mga tunay na magmamalasakit sken at nagmamahal.
kaya ako nlng lge gumagwa ng paraan para maramdaman ko un sa knila.
masama ang loob ko ngyon..
pero wla akong karapatan..
wla akong karapatan para mag inarte ng gnito.
nilalabas ko nlng sa iyak dahil alam kong eto lng pwede kong gawin.
wla naman akong mkakausap na iba eh.
kundi ang sarili ko lng.
feeling ko ngyon nagiisa lng ako..
isang iyak lng kht papano mawawala din ito.
ni hindi ko nga alm kng nagmamalasakit cya sken eh.
litong lito na ko..
sakit sakit na ng puso at isip ko.
pagod na ko pero tanga tanga ko parin..
tuloy parin ako..

bakit ba lagi nalang ako ang lumalapit?
sakit sakit eh..

manhid niya sobra para hindi niya maramdaman na mahal na mahal ko cya..

hay bkt gnon?

feeling ko wla nman tlgang nagmamahal sken.. feeling ko lng mern. bkt ganon may mga times na sobrang nalulungkot ako? na parang magisa lng tlga ako.. na parang dumadaan o lumilipas lng ang araw ng wlang magandang nangyyre sken. nawwalan na ko ng gana. ngyon, d ko masabing masaya ako sa mga nangyyre kasi may mga bagay akong ginagwa ng wlang kasiguraduhan. hindi ko tlga alm. naguguluhan na ko. at nahihirapan na rin. pero anong gngwa ko? pinagpapatuloy ko parin toh. na kahit papano baka sa bandang huli magiging masaya na rin ako. at dahil nakakaramdam ako ng tuwa kht saglit lng. bkt gnon hindi ako marunong nakuntento sa kng anong mern ako ngyon? bkt ano bng mern ako ngyon para masabi kng dpat makuntento na ko? wla eh. hindi na ko masaya sa trabaho ko. sabay naguguluhan pa ko sa mga ibang bagay na nangyyre sken. sabi ko sa sarili ko, ayko ng isipin mga problema. na dapat enjoy ko nlng mga kasalukuyang nangyyre sken pero may mga oras tlgang napapaisip ako. nalulungkot. nagiisa. walang nagmamahal. bkt cno ba nagmamahal sken? wla nman eh. ako lng nman nagmamahal ng sobra, na umaasang mamahalin din kht papano. naisip ko gusto ko ng umalis. gusto ko ng iayos buhay ko. para may maipagmamalaki na ko. pero may mga bagay na pumipigil sken. mga bagay na d rin nman ako sigurado. punot dulo ng lahat ng ito, gusto ko ng maranasan ang tunay na kaligayahan at pagmamahal at buong pagtanggap sa kng cno ako.

haay i feel so alone... nalulungkot ako sobra.. pilit ngumingiti at tumatawa sa harap ng iba para maitago lng tunay na nilalaman ng puso ko..

How will you know if you have met the person you should marry

The choice of a marriage partner should not be based on "I get a warm, wonderful feeling whenever we're together and I want to have that warm wonderful feeling forever, so let's go get married".
Feelings, as we have discussed, have no logic on their own. They need to be acknowledged, of course, but they need considerable assistance from your brain.
Marriage means choosing the person you will spend the rest of your life with. This, as you may have guessed, is a very long time to spend with one person. This person will live with you, eat meals with you, sleep with you, and go on vacation with you. More important yet, this person will share your children. You need to choose wisely. The decision should not be made based on feelings alone. You need to ask yourself some tough questions.
The decisions have to be made on solid considerations.
Will this person be a good partner? Is she mature enough to put her own selfish desires aside to look out for what is best for the family?
Is he prepared to be a good provider? What is his track record? Is he responsible enough to get a good job and keep it?
Will this person be a good parent? Can you stand the thought of your children turning out exactly like this person? They will, you know. Children spend a lot of time with their parents and consequently pick up many or most of their parents' character traits. You had better like your spouse's traits a lot because you will be seeing them again in your children.
If something were to happen to you, would you completely trust this person, alone, with the task of raising and forming your children? This is not a pleasant thought, but it is an important consideration. Not everyone dies at a ripe old age with great grandchildren gathered around the bed. Sometimes a parent dies and leaves young children in the care of the other parent. If you feel that you would need to be around to correct or lessen this person's influence on your children, then you are considering the wrong person.
Does this person share your faith in God? God does not give us children so that we can mold them into the coolest, most popular people in school. Our job is to get them to heaven. To do that, we need to raise them believing in God and in His Church. It is tough to do that if only one parent believes. Saying "this is right and this is wrong, and I want you to ignore Mommy until you are thirty-five" does not work. Small children ask about eight skillion questions in a single day. The answers to those questions go a long way toward forming the kind of adults they will become. Who will be answering those questions for your children?
Does this person you are marrying have sexual self-control? Single people sometimes have this idea that marriage is just some kind of lifelong sex festival and that as long as they have each other, they will never be tempted by other people. Wrong! There are many times in every marriage when one partner or the other is sexually unavailable- illness, the last months of pregnancy, travel. There are also times when spouses, just get on each others' nerves. At times like this, other people can seem very appealing.
That can be dangerous, because there are plenty of very attractive people out there who are willing to make them available to married men and women. Do you want someone who has never said "no" to sex? If he is not good at saying "no" at eighteen, it won't be different at forty. Do you want to worry about whether or not your spouse is being faithful? These are very important questions, and if you are not comfortable with all of the answers, you should definitely not marry this person.
None of this is to say that feelings play no role at all in a marriage decision. You don't have to, "Well, I suppose that you would make a good spouse and parent, so even though I don't particularly like you I guess I'll marry you'. You need to be happy and excited about the prospect of spending your life with someone. Your brain however must acknowledge that this person as a good catch.
Don't listen to your heart alone or your head alone. Wait until your heart and head agree.

Realizations in love

Anyone who has gone through the agony of losing someone she/he loves so much will still wish against all odds to have that love back again. But, sometimes a love lost is a love gone forever. No amount of hope can bring back to life a relationship that just died a natural death. Set your self free. Let your heart spread its wings and fly. Remember, it may rain for 40 days and 40 nights, but still will not rain forever. One day the pouring will stop and there will be plenty of branches where you can find rest. One of these is where you will build your nest and start over again. It's never too late. Remember, you may find love and lose it but "WHEN LOVE DIES, YOU NEVER HAVE TO DIE WITH IT".
Remember, you cannot be a redeemer all your life. The best way to weigh a relationship is out it in the test of fire. You cannot be a sooner of your mistake forever. Remember, we all fall and make wrong decisions but our blunders are meant not to bury us deep in misery but to teach us the valued lessons of life. Loving is always a learning process. With love, we learn how to care and sacrifice. We learn to share and reach out. We learn to be UNSELFISH AND GIVE MORE THAN WE CAN. And when everything doesn't end well, we learn how it feels like to fall and get hurt. But learning doesn't have to end there. After our fall, we strive to get back on our feet and move on. This is where we learn that "LIFE DOESN'T END WHERE OUR HEARTACHES BEGIN."
"THERE IS NO FUTURE IN A RELATIONSHIP OF LIES AND SELFISHNESS". It's true, there is life in love. But, there can still be life even after losing love if you leave the past behind and let your heart heal and give you the chance to find your self again.
The success of a relationship lies not only in the beauty of its beginning but in its consistency. Make a choice not on impulse but a decision based on a healthy balance of mind and heart. Let us always remember that....
"HAPPINESS IS NOT A MATTER OF DESTINY BUT A MATTER OF CHOICE".
There comes a time in our lives when we chance upon someone so nice and beautiful and we just find our selves getting so intensely attracted to that person. This feeling soon becomes a part of our everyday lives and eventually consumes our thoughts and actions.
The sad part of it is when we begin to realize that this person feels nothing more for us than friendship. We start our desperate attempt to get noticed and be closer but in the end our efforts are still unrewarded and we end up being sorry for ourselves.
"YOU DON'T HAVE TO FORGET SOMEONE YOU LOVE.WHAT YOU NEED TO LEARN IS HOW TO ACCEPT THE VERDICT OF REALITY WITHOUT BEING BITTER OR SORRY FOR YOUR SELF. YOU WOULD BE BETTER OFF GIVING THAT THE DEDICATION AND LOVE TO SOMEONE MORE DESERVING". Don't let your heart run your life, be sensible and let your mind speak for itself. Listen not only to your feelings but to reason as well. Always remember that if you lose someone today, it means that someone better is coming tomorrow. "IF YOU LOSE LOVE,THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU HAVE FAILED IN LOVE.CRY IF YOU HAVE TO,BUT MAKE SURE THAT TEARS WASH AWAY THE HURT AND THE BITTERNESS THAT THE PAST LEFT YOU WITH.LET GO OF YESTERDAY AND LOVE WILL FIND ITS WAY BACK TO YOU". And when it does, pray that it may be the love that will stay and last a lifetime.
A woman on the rebound could easily fall for sweeping emotions and be made to falsely believe that she finally stumbled upon the right man when what she just found is only someone to cover up for the love she lost. A man who makes a promise with words and not with actions may never live up to fulfill them.
"ITS TRUE THAT LOVE CAN WAIT FOREVER BUT IT IS CRAZY TO STUBBORNLY HOPE FOR SOMEONE WHO DOESN’T EVEN CARE OR UNDERSTAND HOW WE FEEL."
Love makes us see things through rose-colored glasses. Most of the time, we fail to recognize the danger sign that light up along our way. This feeling you have nurtured for so long isn't healthy anymore. You must realize that you have to let go now before it consumes you and your sanity. There is always a time to think and stop. A time to be sensible and not allow our hearts to rule over our heads. "YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY NOT IN THE ARMS OF A MAN WHO KEEPS YOU WAITING BUT IN THE ARMS OF SOMEONE WHO WILL TAKE YOU NOW AND LOVE YOU FOREVER." If loving a person who is attached to someone else is a crime, then maybe, many of us would have been jailed long before we realize what its consequences could have been.
Loving someone is never a sin. It is what people do out of love that sometimes makes it all wrong. The selfish desire to want that person is what makes it a sin. "DON'T THINK ONLY OF YOUR FEELINGS FOR REAL LOVE DOESN'T HAVE A PLACE FOR SELFISH PEOPLE." When there is love, there is always sacrifice.
When we love someone, we never easily give up on that person. Even if we get hurt badly we always try to find a way to ease the pain and learn to understand and forgive. Loving too much doesn't hurt. It is when we expect this love to be reciprocated that we begin to seek approval and acceptance of the things we have done and when we are taken for granted and rejected, we curse the very same love that we once freely and happily offered.
"DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME WAITING FOR SOMEONE WHO NEVER REALLY CARED ABOUT HOW YOU WOULD HAVE FELT.OPEN YOUR HEART AGAIN AND GIVE YOUR SELF THE CHANCE TO FIND THE MAN WHO WOULD MAKE LOVING WORTH THE PAIN AND THE SACRIFICE". Just like anything else, our love grows weak and dies if not taken cared of. It can keep up with pain only to a certain extent. Beyond that, it withers without any hope of recovery and soon dies. "GOD WAKES US UP IN THE MIDST OF A STORM TO TEACH US A LESSON. HE TAKES AWAY PEOPLE WE LOVE, SO WE CAN LEARN TO VALUE LOVE ITSELF. HE MAKES US CRY SO HARD SO WE CAN SEE CLEARLY WHEN WE OPEN OUR EYES. HE MAKES US BITTER SO WE CAN REALIZE THAT THERE IS NO GENUINE HAPPINESS IF WE THINK ONLY OF OUR NEEDS AND NOT OF OTHERS." Relationships built on jealousy and selfishness are doomed from the very beginning. The hardest part of losing love is letting go and moving on. Most of us cry endlessly over things that could have been but never will be.
"God allows us to experience pain to make us stronger and better persons. He will see us through the most trying and difficult times in our lives and only if we put our trust in Him can we learn to find joy in our tears and happiness in our sorrows."
In many failed relationships, separation comes as the inevitable choice but moving on always proves to be twice as difficult as letting go. Sometimes, the end of a relationship is imposed on us, but our choice to hold on is always beyond the control of circumstance. Letting go is a decision that can never be dictated on us. It is a resolution we make to ourselves. Acceptance is the key to a new beginning and Time is the healer of all wounds. Even if the storm casts its fearful shadow, there will always be light after our darkest and loneliest moments. There is always a hope for those who believe. There is always a chance for those who try. "LOSING SOMEONE WE LOVE MAY NOT BE A LOSS AT ALL BUT A BLESSING BECAUSE SOMEONE EVEN MORE DESERVING IS YET TO COME."
There is nothing wrong in expressing our feelings to someone we love, but "WE MUST ALWAYS BE SENSITIVE TO THE SIGNALS THAT TELL US WHEN TO RATIONALIZE AND BE SENSIBLE."There comes a time in our lives when we would fall for someone who wouldn't be as interested as we are because his attention is focused on someone else. There are many times when we love but don't get loved in return. "THERE ARE TIMES WHEN THE SIGN AHEAD SAYS STOP BUT WE STILL STUBBORNLY HEAD ON." We would say our love is unconditional. But if it really is, then we should never feel bad. But why do we get frustrated when love turns sour? Because we still subconsciously seek acceptance and assurance from the people we care about. "BEING IN LOVE CAN BE THE MOST WONDERFUL THING WE COULD EXPERIENCE BUT IF THE FEELING BEGINSTO CONSUME OUR WHOLE BEINGS, THEN WE HAVE TO STOP AND LET OUR MINDS AND NOT OUR HEARTS DICTATE OUR ACTIONS. ONLY WHEN WE LEARN TO ACCEPT OUR FATE AND UNDERSTAND THE MEANING OF OUR FAILURES CAN WE TRULY GO ON WITH LIFE WITHOUT HAVING TO LOOK BACK AND CRY OVER THE THINGS THAT COULD HAVE BEEN BUT WILL NEVER BE....

Live well
Laugh often
Love much

Homily of Love

When you think of your past love, you may view it as a failure. But when you find a new love, you view the past as a teacher. In the game of love, it doesn’t really matter who won or who lost. What is important is you know when to hold on and when to let go! You know you really love someone when you want him or her to be happy, even if their happiness means that you’re not part of it. Everything happens for the best. If the person you love doesn’t love you back, don’t be afraid to love someone else again, for you’ll never know unless you risk for love.

Love strives in hurting. If you don’t get hurt, you don’t learn how to love. Love doesn’t hurt all the time. Though the hurting is still there to test you, to help you grow. Don’t find love, let love find you. That’s why it’s called falling in love because you don’t force yourself to fall. You just fall. You cannot finish a book without closing its chapters. If you want to go on, then you have to leave the past as you turn the pages.

Love is not destroyed by a single failure or won by a single caress. It is a lifetime venture in which we are always learning, discovering and growing.

The greatest irony of love is letting go when you need to hold on and holding on when you need to let go. We lose someone we love only when we are destined to find someone else who can love us even more than we can love ourselves. On falling out of love, take some time to heal and then get back on the horse. But don’t ever make the same mistake of riding the same one that threw you the first time.

To love is to risk rejections, to live is to risk dying, to hope is to risk failure. But risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in like is risk nothing! To reach for another is to risk involvement, to expose your feelings is to expose true self, to love is to risk not to be loved in return.

How to define love: fall but do not stumble, be constant but not too persistent, share and never be unfair, understand and try not to demand, hurt but never keep the pain.

Love is like a knife. It can stab the heart or it can carve wonderful images into the soul that always last for a lifetime. Love is supposed to be the most wonderful feeling. It should inspire you and give you joy and strength. But sometimes the things that give you joy can also hurt you in the end.

Loving people means giving them the freedom who they choose to be and where they choose to be. For all the heartaches and the tears, for gloomy days and fruitful years, you should give thanks, for you know, that there were the things that helped you grow. Loving someone means giving the freedom to find his way, whether it leads towards you or away from you.

Love is a painful risk to take but the risk must be taken no matter how scary or painful, for only then you’ll experience the fullness of humanity and that is love. Only love can hurt your heart, fill you with desire and tear you apart. Only love can make you cry and only love knows why. If you’re not ready to cry, if you’re not ready to take the risk, if you’re not ready to feel the pain, then you’re not ready to fall in love. There was a time in our lives when we became afraid to fall in love coz every time we do, we get hurt, then I figured that’s why its called falling in love.

When you decide to love, allow it to grow. When you promise to love, refuse to let it die.

I've never thought....

I’ve only known him for just a short time
But it’s as if I’ve already met him for a very long time
Days passed, I’m falling more deeply in love with him
Can’t blame myself, I can’t stopped it
Can’t tell him yet for I feel it’s not yet the time
Can’t show him yet for I’m afraid of something I can’t define what it is
Can’t explain the happiness I’m feeling right now
I’ve never been this inspired before
Always looking forward to another day of seeing him,
Of getting to be with him,
Of getting to look in his eyes,
Of getting to see his smile and hear his laughs,
Wishing that time will stopped forever.
So that we will never part from each other.
I have never thought that I would fall in love again
After a tragic, yes its tragic, breakup.
It’s as if my ex literally broke my heart.
That I begun having traumas and not trusting any guy anymore.
But then he came.
As if he heard my prayers.
As if God sent him to me.
He came at the right time when I mostly needed someone.
I’ve never thought that I had recovered from my past this fast.
Hatreds of the past disappeared with his help.
He cleansed my heart from negativities, disappointments, and hurt.
He brought back and arranged the pieces from my puzzle.
He brought me back to HIM.
He brightened up my life. He gave me a brand new light.
Not just for myself but also for the people who cares about me.
He's my friend, my adviser, my companion, my clown, my inspiration, my dear, my angel, my life... my love.
He’s the sweetest guy I’ve ever met.
I’ve never been treated with so much respect like this before.
Now, I really feel I have a sense in this world.
That life is worth living for. That at least I’m important.
That I have my family and friends who love and care for me so much.
He brought back my confidence that was long lost and gone.
I feel so secured when I’m with him.
I feel that he will protect me from everything.
Damn! He doesn’t know how much I want to hug him.
To let him feel how much I appreciate everything.
How much I care for him... and how much I love him.
Wish I could feel his touch.
Days are passing and I can’t help myself from not telling him the truth.
I’m asking God to show me a sign that it is time.
The time to let this love bursts from my heart.
I’ll wait and I’ll never be tired of waiting until time has come for both of us.
Let God lead us the fate for both of us.
Come what may.
Come what may.
I love you so much .
I’m so deeply in love with you.
And I’m taking all the risks.
Though that risk would include being hurt and heart broken again.
Though that risk would include knowing that he can’t love me back..
And though that risk would include he already love someone else.
That’s how true my love is for you.
Haaaayy! All I can say is….
I’m back. I’m better. I’m at my best.
It’s really a very good feeling to be in love.
Not just with him, but also to all people who's always here by my side.
God, family, friends, loved ones. :)

My Birthday

June 20 - 2006 - My most unforgettable and happiest birthday ever.. Why? Because all of my close friends and special someone were present, except for she for obvious reason. Kristian was the first one who greeted me. He called on my cellfone at 12am. Unfortunately because of so much tiredness from office work, I was already fast asleep by that time and wasn't able to answer his fone call. So sorry kristian. In my heart nman, you're the first one who greeted me. :) My morning turned out well. So many greetings from people that ive never expected to greet me. Then by lunch time, Kristian accompanied me to attend mass in Greenbelt chapel. 12:15pm is the time of the mass but we are a bit late because of him.. hehehe. Im glad he's the one im with when I had the mass. Lalng. It’s a good feeling to attend mass with someone you care about and love. Its as if youre both facing with God. Then afterwards, we took our lunch in Tokyo Tokyo Greenbelt 1. Hehehe i was late in the office after lunch. Its okay because its my day naman. Pagbigyan! By 5pm or 530pm, one of my officemates asked me to go to the pantry. Hehehe i didnt know they will treat me with cake and ice cream. Touched ako! I know now that at least im important and special to them. My bosses and officemates were there. Lalng. Its a nice feeling din pla to celebrate with your officemates especially if youre close to them. Then at exactly 6pm, i took my off from office. My most awaited time has come. So excited who will come. Gaze, Mich and I met and went to Greenbelt to look for restaurant to eat. Since I was already tired from work, we didnt roam around Greenbelt na. I suggested Big Buddha. They agreed immediately. Hehehe. From there, we waited from others to arrive. First to arrive, Arman. Naks! Punctual. Then next are Benedict and Philip. Ive never thought Benedict will really come. I didnt expect na eh coz Mich saw him with his gf going to Landmark so i thought he decided na not to come since his gf is not invited. Hehehe but thanks so much benedict for coming. I appreciated that you came even if we havent really talked to each other after the incident (...alm mo na un..) Im glad you're already talking to me and not a snob anymore. Even though, you're not the same just like before. Tahimik mo na ngyon. And so secretive even with where you are working. I really cant understand why you dont want to share it. Lalng. Nwei, its ok. at least dba? Then after that, Aileen came. Followed by my Kristian.. Hehe omit "my" word. Feel ko lng. Im glad he really came though he doesnt know my friends. Im glad because he was there to celebrate with me. I really appreciated it. So much. Haaayyy.... My feelings for him are getting deeper. And I cant stop it. Each day Im with him, its getting really deeper. Im falling for him more and more. And i cant deny it to myself. But i just need to hide it. He's doing thing unintentionally that makes me also fall for him unintentionally. There are so many things that we both like doing, eating and etc. Basta dmeng bagay na parehas kme. Funny thing, we wore the same shade of clothes on my birthday. He's wearing baby pink polo. Im wearing pink blazer. Its nice noh! D kme nagusap nyan ah. But alm nyo ba, most of the time magkaparehas kme ng color ng suot. Lalng. Sarap lng tignan. Parehas kme ng iniicp? or just a coincidence? I dont know. Then after several minutes, Martin and RC arrived. And the grand entrance......... LESTER... Waaaaah! Super late. But its ok.. At least he came to greet me. His presence is enough na khit d na cya kumain. Naks! Well, most of the time we stayed there, we just took pictures. from one place to another. Grabe, tagal tagal din kme d nagkikita ng ganon eh. Bonding! Nice... I really missed them all. My college friends. Wish we could do that again. Nwei noisiest of all - - Gaze... Always stading - - Gaze. Grabe! The night is getting late na so we decided to go home coz its tuesday! And we still have work the other day. Hay 1 day is not enough to celebrate my day tlga. :( But everything that happened that day was all worth it and worth remembering. That was really the most unforgettable birthday ive never had. I swear! Coz only that day that i felt im important to some people ive thought they will be. Presence lng nila, masaya na ko. Kaya i will always treasure that day. Especially because my close friends are there and my most special someone now. Thanks so much. I have so many pictures. Hehe. Kristian and I separated ways in MRT. I went home with Mich, Martin and Benedict. Funny thing, we used to go home together before. We four. As if its all coming back, but its not. Just that day. Kristian texted me saying sorry because he dont have any gift for me. Honestly, its not the gift that matters to me, its his presence. I arrived at home. First thing, and this is true, that i saw when i opened our door were balloons. Surprised promise! Speechless. Then my mom told me that someone came in the afternoon and gave that stuff. Its Kristian daw. There's also a cake. Speechless again. I read the small note. Its really from Kristian! Sweet! Kilig super promise. But i cant show my emotions and reactions to my mom so I immediately took the balloons and headed to my room. I called him immediately in his cellfone. I said thank you. I cant really remember how many times ive said thank you and i cant also remember if my voice during that time was loud enough for my mom and brother to hear everything that im saying. I dont care. Hehehe. Im so happy tlga. I also want to say i really love him so much but i cant. i cant do it. i dont have enough guts and courage to say it out loud. haay wish i could. That made my day more memorable and exciting! No person ever did that to me.... I mean to go to our house and give that kind of stuff to my mom and say its for me and tell him his name. So sincere promise. But mdj nahiya rin me kc liit ng bhay nman. But i think it doesnt matter to him coz he still treats me the same way he's treating me before. As my day ends, i slept with a smile. smile because im so thankful that God gave me my friends and Kristian. Seriously, mahal na mhal ko sila. And i care for them so much. Im really thankful to God for everything. I really blessed tlga. To kristian, thanks for everything. I really made my birthday real special and unforgettable. You made a great impact on my birthday. You just dont know how much you mean to me now. Hope you know it. Hope you can feel it. And hope i can say it to you. Cgro, without you, my day wont be that extra special. I can feel your sincerity because you came to attend my birthday dinner knowing that you didnt know anybody and knowing that they are all my friends. You even have the guts to talked with them. Saya saya lng. Kc kinakausap ka din nila like Mich, Aileen and Gaze. Im falling for you na tlga...more and more... This is not just infatuation but already love. Just want to ask my friends.. What do you think of him? Based on what you saw and how he treated you? Is he really sincere or what? What do you think? Or anything you want to say about him… Lalng just want to know your opinions.


To my friends... Aileen, Mich, Gaze, Arman, Benedict (na pumunta parin kht d ksma gf and we had misunderstandings in the past...), Lester (na pumunta parin kht dme gngwa office...), Philip (na sa south pa nagwwork...), RC, Martin (na kht may nangyreng d maganda sa ating dlwa...)..... Thank you so much! Thanks for coming.. I really appreciated it. Special pla ako sa inyo.. Hehehe. Touched ako! Tig- iisang MWAH! sa inyong lhat... :P Hope we can do that again... More bonding... More chikka... More of everything we used to do before in college.. Hay i missed you all.. I missed college... I missed everything we used to do all.. Puerto Galera tyong lhat pagdating ni she.... Sana matuloy.. Nwei, thanks uli and sa uulitin... Happy birthday to me....

morning..
yesterday, i almost gave in...muntik ko ng masabi sa knya ung totoong nararamdaman ko...thanks lng tlga kc naunahan ako ng hiya ko..langya tlga..pero i can say to him na na i love him...coz i think he thinks that i only love him as a friend...:( but the truth, i love him more than what he's thinking...more than the whole world could ever know.. i love him with all my heart. and given the chance for us to be together, i dont care if we didnt end up forever coz what's important to me is the present coz the present will be our guide for our future..pero im not assuming ah.. he told me na ako ung reason nya why he's so happy right now... masaya daw cya pagkausap at ktxt ako pero he's happier daw if nakita na nya ako at nkasama... he doesnt want daw to lose me. and if i went away daw from him, he will go and searh for me... and he wants to know me more pa...how sweet! so many sweet words he told me that made me fall for him even deeper.. and i can feel na sincere nman cya.. mlman mo nman dba? im sure this is not just an infatuation or an escape from my past for im sure in my heart that this is for real. This is real love. sasabog na puso ko kakatago eh...promise! punong puno na eh. and i want to tell him na... buti nlng may hiya pa ako at un ang pumipigil sken ngyon.. pero promise im super close to giving in... if you're going to ask me why i love him? i really dont knw tlga..i just felt it.. d ko expect na mangyre toh eh..it just happened.. and it happened real fast.. never felt falling this hard so fast eh... ilang weeks palng kme nagkikita nun eh...promise mern na agd... i mean, ramdam mo nman eh... tibok ng puso mo ang bilis...wla nman dhilan bkt... and i dont care if this feeling ends to nothing...

pag mahal mo cya..
sabihin mo..
kht alam mong wlang kapalit un.
ang mahalaga, nlaman nya.
at kung magalit cya...
sabihin mo:
Ang sabi ko mahal kita, hindi ko cnbeng mahalin mo rin ako...

pancin ko, ive been telling same stories over and over again..nwei, i dont care :P 4 days na kme d nagkikita...and i miss him so damn much..i just realized ung song na Ive fallen For You...i know now para knino tlga un... the msg surely is for kbramos tlga...

what is this im feeling?
i just cant explain... (i really cant explain honestly..)
when you're near...
im just not the same..
try to hide it.. (yes im trying!)
try not to show it.. (this is really hard...)
its crazy... (i agree...)
how could it be??

ive fallen for you...
finally my heart gave in... (thank God this is true!)
and ive fallen in love...
ive finally know how it feels..
so this is love..

when you said hello..
i look in your eyes..
suddenly, i felt good inside... (its not only good, its better, its best..hehe)
is this really happenin?
or am i just dreaming? (but this is real not a dream!)
i guess its true..
i cant believe.. (unbelievable tlga!)

that ive fallen for you..
finally my heart gave in..
and ive fallen in love..
ive finally know how it feels..
so this is love..

doesnt matter where i am..
thoughts of you still linger in my mind. (always....)
no matter what time of day..
ive really really fallen for you...

now ive fallen for you..
finally my heart gave in..
and ive fallen in love..
ive finally know how it feels..
so this is LOVE...

thank you Lord for giving me such a blessing.. i really can feel na youre always there for me.. and sobrang feel na feel ko na youre always answering my prayers..answering in a sense na whats best for me.. THANK YOU LORD! thank you po for everything.. I love you so much Lord..


after lunch...

out of my league...whats in this song that everytime i hear it i always feel something...its not because of who dedicates this song to me..its because of the beat...the rhythm of the song.. the message...coz i can say that the song is real beautiful tlga..it inspires me especially now that im in love.. doesnt matter to me that this is hans' song for me before...what matters is that everytime i hear this song my heart beats faster and it tells me that im so much in love right now..with whom? with kbramos....the start of the song kc is really beautiful tlga..cute ng pagkakatugtog eh..promise.

a sign that things didnt work out - il never ever talked about him in this blog... :(

why am i falling this fast?
thus, why am i falling for someone whom i dont know he's real intentions to me?
am i just a friend or more than that?
why am i still taking the risk?
why am i still not giving up?
maybe because i dont want to lose him...
i dont want him to go away from me..
i need him..
i care for him..
i love him.. so much..
he's my happiness..
he's the reason why im always looking forward for another day..
he's the sun that shines up on my sky.. the moon that brightens my night..
he's the song that always plays on my mind..he's the one who is in my dreams every night..
he's the reason why im being poetic right now.. i think...
he's my inspiration..

but i dont want to make the first move...
i still have my pride..
im afraid of getting hurt..
im afraid of what he might gonna say or react..
im afraid he'll say that im just a friend to him..
and im afraid of not knowing myself again after hearing that...
im afraid of being depressed again.. of being lonely.. of being alone..
im afraid of not trusting anyone again...
im afraid of losing myself again..
im afraid of hurting myself again.. physically...
im afraid of waking up another day thinking that i failed..
that i will never have him..even just as a friend again...
damn! im afraid of everything...so why make the move right?

i know its a good feeling to be in love but....
but then again... im just a friend... (i think..) :(
and i cant do anything about it..
maybe ill just love him quietly..
just let this love grow deeper inside my heart..
than destroy the friendship that has just started..
and accept what Life can only offer me...

i hope fate will give me a chance..
to shout to the world how much i love him..
maybe not now...
but also..maybe not ever...

but please give me just this moment to say this...
"im in love with you... so much in love...
and ill always be here for you no matter what.. even just as your friend...
whatever or whoever will make you happy, ill respect it because...
i love you so much....."

wla magwa ofc...

here i am again... i gonna write another kadramahan sa buhay... drama princess nga eh..nwei, parang nwwlan na ko ng gaya.. bka cya din nawawalan na ng gana...huhuhuhu wag nman po sana...maddepressed na nman ako nito eh.. kainis kc eh! hay ewan tlga...nkakasawa eto nlng lge naiicp at sinusulat ko dto... sna maiba nman dba? ung msaya nman wid him..hehe..change topic...grbe katamad ngyon... magtxt at magtxt nlng gnwa ko today...bwahahaha ganyan tlga. punta cya baguio bukas... punta cyang malayo... kakalungkot nman..wish ko lng kasama ako..haha para sweet. hehe feeling ko bka ako lng mag enjoy nun.. pero tgal ko na din kc d pumupunta baguio..sobra! sweet at sarap pumunta dun pag ksma mo mahal mo...haaay sarap tlga! day dreaming ang loka...hehe. nwei, naicp ko lng tgal ko ng d nkakausap cna karleen at martin... may sama pa kya cya ng loob sken..sayang ang friendship... sana ok na kme.. i miss college na sobra...i miss my friends and clasmates... miss ko na mga gngwa sa school.. kht lge puyat or dme gngwang projects...ok lng masaya nman...miss ko na tambay caf.. miss ko na mag aral cyempre ksma mga blockmates ko dpat... saya saya lng. its as if i missed out half of my college life and i dont know why... i just missed everything about being a college student. especially nung mga first year plng kme.. mga wlang kamuwang muwang sa mundo.. haha inosente ika nga...watch movies twice or thrice a week..grbe gastos noh! haha..tas naalala ko pa...taba taba ko nun... tas ngustuhan pa ako ni rj..hehe bulag nga tlga cya!wla pa akong alm sa mga ligaw ligaw na yan dti eh..ung flowers na binigay nya...hala binigay ko k ate juliet at nilgay nya sa altar nla! for a good cause nman..dme plang dumaan na lalaki sa buhay ko nun...hala nagfeeling! hehe dumaan lng nman... nagpark sa parking lot ko..hehe.. and ang pinaka d ko malilimutan dun is c benedict.. nag over due sa pagpark sa parking lot ko but naging msaya nman ako nun... salamat salamat sa lhat tlga..naku sobrang nahihya pa nga rin ako sa knya ngyon eh... d ko alm bkt.. parang ang sama sama ko nun.. parang wla akong konsensya... i liked him pero d nya cngot ko...haha baliw! pero oks lng..past is past at naging happy nman din ako... hala naalala ko pla c ellard! hehe tinataguan ko ata cya dti...hahahaha kasama sama ko tlga... nhihiya lng tlga ako pag may mga gnong lumalapit... feeling ko d ko kyang ihandle.. kc nga d ko nman tlga kya... d ko alm anong iaact ko...nwei tgal na un...matatanda na tyo ngyon! isa pang hala! june na pla... my birthday month! grbe na toh! bilis bilis ng araw... hala mlamang manlilibre ako..ubos ubos na nman ang pera ko... gastos gastos ko na nga ngyon... hehe pero sana maging msaya bday ko... sana nman maging memorable cya...change topic uli...ahmm...isip isip...haha 1 hour and 15 mins nlng uwian na...countdown toh sobra! gusto ko na mag out eh knina pa actually...wla na nga ako gngwa eh... eto pla grbe na toh...feeling ko tumataba na nman ako... gusto kong maggym! grbe ayko na kumain...kataba taba ko na tlga...kainis kc sarap kumain eh.. ngyon na nga lng uli ako nagkaroon ng gana kumain eh...dti tlga wla..as in wla... isang subo busog na...tubig ok na...or itulog nlng.. lge nga ako pinapagalitan ni mama eh.. para lng kumain ako.. tpos minsan nahuhuli nya akong umiiyak... hiya ako nun eh..kc during that time, aykong maging msama impression nla mama k hans kc nkikita nilang parang pinapaiyak ako ni hans...hehe...past past...gnon maging depressed ang gaga... hahaha... d ko nga lng alam kong panu ako magiging depressed ngyon if ever may mangyre... cyempre ibang lalaki na toh eh.. hehe.. bka maging tingting nlng ako...hehe in a week or less kya kong pumayat agad pag depressed ako... mukha akong addict..joke! d noh! maganda parin cyempre..hay kbramos! wlalng... ano ba kcng gnwa mo at nagfall ako ng gnito sayo? ano bng gnwa mo? gnayuma mo ata ako...heheh joke! i dont even know bkt mahal na kita eh...it just happened. and it happened real fast tlga.. ganon nman pag love...kht anong icpin mong reason bkt...wla kang maicp.u just love the person and you dont know why...pero friends lng tyo dba? :( .... passenger seat music ko ngyon... alala ko bigla c budjie! hehe.. na nagtatago ata ngyon. 1 hour nlng uwian na...so mahaba haba pa tong blog ko...wla akong pakialm bkt ba! blog ko toh eh! pero wla na me maicp eh..wait lng............gumawa pla ko testi for him...hope d nman halata ung totoong feelings ko sa knya dun..hehe...sobrang pigil ung mga gusto kong sabihin dun...as in pigil na pigil tlga...hehe at sana nasend ni she..kainis kc d pwde friendster dto eh...kelangan ko ng paayos pc nman promise...miss ko na chat...at online all night long..haha...pagmoney na...buti pa c she, may laptop na...hehe sana ako din.. nainggit eh.. :P most suited song samen ni hans months ago..separated by usher...hahaha pinapakinggan ko kc ngyon eh... cause we're better off separated...totoo nman eh dba? were better off separated tlga...cause ive never been this happy ever since... as if ive been freed from prison after so many years... hala! umuulan na! kainis.... badtrip nman oo!!

to hans... why you're making things complicated right now? bkt kelangan magbigay ka ng hint na ako parin gusto mo mkasama ngyon..? dahil ba ndi nagwork out ung relationship nyo ni letlet? and dhil ndi nagwork out, you need someone and feeling mo nandun parin ako para maging saluhan mo...maging last resort mo? well, nagkakamali ka...kht sabihin mo sken na kya ndi kyo ok ni letlet ngyon dhil mern ka parin nararamdaman sken, wla ng epekto sken un eh..ive already fallen out of love with you after all youve done to me.. cnbe mo sken nung nagbreak tyo na kya mo gnwa un kc d mo na ko mahal at c let na mhal mo..bkt ngyon cnsbe mong ako parin mahal mo? labo mo rin eh...nwei, i dont care anymore pagkatapos mo ako lokohin at pagtabuyan when i was pleading to let us fix our relationship and give it a chance...sobrang kinalimutan ko sarili ko, pride ko at friends ko, para lng sayo then you have the bravery pa para gwin sken un...i know im saying harsh things right now pero d ko nman sinadyang maramdaman uli toh after what happened yesterday... you forced me...bkt kelangan lumapit lapit ka sken...hawakan ang kamay ko at even tried to kiss me when you know nman na ayoko because from the start lumalayo na ko...i was hurt sobra sa gnwa mo...because for me nabastos ako...feeling mo gusto ko parin ung gnwa mo? no tlga..and why do you have to be confident pa na i still have feelings for you and tinatago ko lng un..please dont be too confident...ive learned a lot from everything that happened to us...i admit nman na naging masaya tlga ako syo pero there are also times na ndi...na parang wla ka ng respeto sken and ayoko ng mangyre un..i want someone right now who will respect me and care for me..ilang beses na kitang pinatwad dti at tinanggap sa mga gnwa mong panloloko pero ano gnwa mo? gnwa mo parin at youre so confident na kala mo pagkatapos mong gawin un, may babalikan ka pa...sobra! that's enough na tlga! if you really love me, gaya ng sbe mo, let me be happy. set me free. and dont tell me na hindi ako magiging masaya...that's the hurtest thing na cnbe mo sken eh...HINDI AKO MAGIGING MASAYA???? who are you to tell me that? are you God??? you dont have the right! sinayang mo ung chance na maging friends tayo...kc right now takot na kong makita ka at bka kng ano pa gawin mo sken...as if i dont know you anymore na tlga...nakakatakot ka...when you asked me why im so cold to you, that's because that is what i really feel when i saw you and wag mo pilitin na mahal parin kta...For heaven's sake, let me be happy! Im happy now...sobra...and i also want you to be happy.. someone else deserves you..and maybe, d pa cya dumadating...you just have to wait..and ako rin nman, i deserve someone else then...please lets stop fighting because wla rin nman patutunguhan un eh...lets be friends for real pls? if there are problems, nandto lng nman ako as your friend, no more no less, to guide you..just like what im doing with gaze...maybe you can fix things with let..bka maayos nyo pa yan...sayang nman eh. if pwde pang ayusin, gawin mo na before its too late...i think she loves you so much...you're childhood sweethearts nman dba? and u told me before na nung nagkita ako after years, you felt something. then let that something be your guide. ako, i have special someone na right now..though friends lng kme, ok lng.. as long as im happy and he's happy being with me ok na ko dun...time will tell nlng wat will happen next.. im taking the risk right now. kng may patunguhan man kme o wla, ok lng....what matters most is the present. that we're happy with each other. just enjoy what we have right now...every second is precious, for me.... bsta lets just be happy with each other's life ok? im already moved on...im very happy na right now...let me be happy pls? i loved you before so i set you free and i want you to be happy even if with someone else. that's how much i have loved you before....i still care for you pa namn ngyon...but honestly, as a friend nlng tlga...kht pilitin ko sarili ko na may narramdaman parin ako...wla tlga eh......wla na tlga....that's because im inlove with someone else na tlga..so much inlove...im sorry hans....what you told me din nman is unbelievable..parang ndi nman tlga kc totoo. and kng totoo, thank you nlng and im sorry because i cant accept it anymore. im not mad with you...im just hurt with what you did to me yesterday but it will heal din nman in time...in a short time because alm mo nman d ako nagtatanim ng galit at ayoko ng may kaaway...ok? bsta goodluck nlng sa studies mo at with your dancing career. i know you can make it to the top kc kita ko nman dti hardships mo at dedication...thats all...until then.....

may 25, 2006 - am

Hay ngyon ko lng narealize, i dont want to be a drama princess anymore. puro drama sa buhay...gusto ko nman masaya, exciting! pero panu nman mangyyre un? cyempre i need my friends and i need someone cyempre...hahaha hanapan nyo nman ako! ok lng cute and gwapo..hahaha pwde na rin sken un..mapagttiyagan..hehe joke joke!

happy thoughts nman this time...well sarap pla ng feeling ng naiinlove uli. i think im in love...i think lng nman...parang its a brand new you! refresh na refresh ang feeling...especially when the one you love is being so sweet to you. sending you sweet messages...haaay tlga...i think love is in my air right now...love that i hope will never last. ngyon lng uli nangyre sken toh eh...i love listening to love songs again...day dreaming haha d nman msama eh..blooming nga daw ako sbe ng boss ko dto..well cyempre kelangan lge ako maganda..hay hirap tlga magpaganda kht maganda na...feeling!cya nlng lge naiicp ko...always looking forward to see him and be with him.how i wish he knows what i feel so that alm ko na rin kng ano ba tlga kme..friends?? i dunno...right now, im not thinking negative...just think positive!!!! his text messages, ohh so sweet tlga! sana sincere noh? i think so nman... ok cya eh as a whole.. his physical looks, personality, attitude as far as i know him and from what i can see he's very close to his family especially his sisters..importante un kc dba he knows how to respect a gurl..alm nya feeling ng binabastos ang gurl kc may kapatid cya..he's protective to his sister sa pagkakakita ko...malaking wish ko lng, sana he also likes me and we'll be much closer...kc why make such efforts dba kung friends lng ang pakay??? hay nagfeeling na nman ako....hehehe nwei, bsta happy ako...super duper very much happy right now with him and sana vice versa... just enjoy the moments... :)) and d ako papayag na mwla cya sken..not now when im enjoying myself with him and that im already feeling something for him...

hayy ewan ko dn ba bkt nya ko lge inaasar...mukha ko...itsura ko...height ko..lalng..ok lng nman height ko eh kc given na un :) kso pag itsura ko na pinapansin nya, mdj nkakapikon kc ayko gngnon itsura ko kc nacconscious na nga ako sa mukha ko dinadagdagan pa nya...feeling ko tuloy sobrang panget na panget na panget ko..at ayoko po ng gnung feeling...nbabawasan self confidence ko...pero minsan nakikiride nlng ako...d ako kj para mapikon nlng agd. asaran kung asaran kc aasarin ko rin cya wid his past and everything...hahaha...kahapon, joke ko cya, kumakain kc kme sa mcdo then sbe ko parang nkita ko ex nya...d naniwla???asar...tpos cya hirit nya...nkita din daw nya c hans...nagbbreak dance daw sa 'lata' ata ung term nya eh..hahaha! in a way, parang c benedict ung personality nya...personality na gusto ko...yihee! pero ung voice nya tlga ang kakaiba...parang lgeng mahinahon...na parng d nagagalit..na feeling ko pag ako ksma nya...ang daldal ng dating ko na nakakairita ung boses compared to him na kng magsasalita lng, ang hinahon! haha kkhiya tuloy...then naalala ko lng nung nagppicture kme sa fud choices...grbe ayaw umayos sa picture...kng ano ano gngwa sa mukha..kainis tlga! :) tas grbe lalng..hahaha..tas ano pla...pinakita nya sken ung pictures nila sa office...hay nku grbe ang posing! parang macho dancer na ewan na parang bading...lakas ng trip..saktong nkapink polo pa cya..d kya bading cya???haha tas eto pa pla! nagtime zone kme...laro cya stackers...sayang 1 bar nlng eh! sayang tlga! gusto ko pa nman ung tigger...tas naglaro din kme ng house of the dead..ung baril baril...dinaig ako grbe! dinaig ako magreact kc cya tipong napapasigaw pa at tumatayo sa upuan.d nman cya masyado nagenjoy at nacarried away dba? hahaha tas ngbasketball kme..grbe sa tagal ko ng naglalaro ng ganon doon, ngyon lng ako na zero..as in zero! kainis..cgro kya gnon kc wlang practice..ngyon nlng kc uli ako naglaro ng gnon after ng break up...hehe..pero saya saya saya saya tlga..enjoy na enjoy...gusto ko nga cya isama kng pwde cya sa star city..kso bka ayaw nila mich...lalng! kng pwde lng nman cya at kng gusto nla mich...nwei, nakwento ko na lhat..sana d ikwento sa iba.hahahah

pahabol, sbe daw ng mga friends nya mukha daw ako masungit.... :( pero sbe nman nya harmless nman daw ako....haha..issue ko lng, mukha ba tlga akong masungit? anong pwde kng baguhin sa mukha ko para d ako magmukhang masungit??? ayko ung gnon eh..kya wlang lumalapit eh..friendly nman ako ah! minsan mahilig lng mangbara...at mang asar...hehe pero mabait nman ako noh! d ako nangangagat...nananampal lng..joke!

hope this wont be the last time that im gonna tell our happy and unforgettable moments together..sana marami png dumating... :))

lapit na pla birthday ko...cno cno ka makakaalala??? hmmmm...sana mern nman kht papanu dba? dba?sana maging masaya birthday ko...maging sobrang memorable...i want at least one of my birthday celebs to be very memorable. with friends and loved one (kng mern dba?)..at iba cyempre ung sa family..treat ko cla..hehe first bday ko kc toh na may work na ko eh..dpat lng treat ko cla noh....looking forward on my bday...wish ko lng on that day, maging msaya ako..bday wish? madami...ayaw sbhin..bka maudlot.. :P

may 25 - 3:32 pm
bored again..im just waiting for the user testing of the system i made. mdj kinakabahan pero d yan...wla nman errors eh. :P and im also waiting for something...im waiting for him to call me up. hehe grbe miss ko na agad.. ano ba tong narramdaman ko? abnormal na ata eh. or super lng tlga ung narramdaman ko na kht sa sarili ko d ko mapaniwlaan. naicp ko lng bigla bka friend lng tlga treatment nya sken... :(( nwei well eto kanta kanta nlng para d antukin..kakaantok araw eh. kakatamad. nwei, wish me luck tomorrow..bsta wish me luck! bless me God..im listening Especially for You of MYMP right now.. ahmmmm especially for him??hehe...wla na masbe..speechless na bigla..ngiti nlng :)

may 29 – 1:00 pm
hay hope we can be more than friends…..hay uli...hope for what's best for me nlng.. what's really meant for me...come what may...

kdramahan sa buhay...

i asked for more when all i can have is a friend.
i gave my heart when all that is needed was my hand.
too bad i fell for someone i can never have...
someone who's willing to give me all but not LOVE... :(

i miss him sooo much na...y am i feeling this? mapride ako ngyon...ill just wait hanggang magparamdam cya..or bka ayaw na nya sken kya d na cya nagpaparamdam? narealize nya ngyon ayaw na nya sken at may nahanap na cyang mas maganda maging friend... ouch nman! :(( wag nman po sana.. think positive! busy lng cya! hahaha... think positive din...maganda ako! hahaha feeling!

namimiss ko na cya eh...anong ggwin ko? txt ko na ba? twagan ko na? ayaw! hintayin ko nlng cya...

ahmmm at some point naaalala ko na nman c hans...not him exactly but the thought of forcing him or someone to fix our/the relationship kht alm ko na rin sa puso ko na wla na tlgang pagasa. ang issue ko lng dun, if magmamahal ako gusto ko once lng. pero now i know na someone else deserves my love, care, effort and everything. and hope he's coming na because i want to show him na my love. naaalala ko ung point na dumating samen na wla na tlga cya nararamdaman sken at pinipilit ko cyang ayusin nmen un..ive learned from there na kng ayaw na syo, wag mo na pilitin. mahirap tlga pilitin ang ayaw. thats what i always say to myself ngyon. though uve given up all your efforts kng ayaw na tlga, wag ng pilitin. maganda ako noh?! maraming guys jan! hahaha joke..pero alm ko nman din kc pakiramdam ng pinilipit. d maganda. nakakairita. nakakainis. one thing's for sure right now, im ready to fall in love again and im definitely sure na im over hans na tlga. super sure. my feelings for hans is just platonic na. but ill always treasure everything we had together. im not mad with him. definitely no negative feelings and thoughts. kht the relationship ended up not good tlga..haha. d ko ugali kc magtanim ng galit. d mganda. if God always forgives us khit sobrang laki nito, panu pa kya tayo dba? just forgive and forget. start a new life. you deserve it. i deserve it. life is short. kya enjoy nten what God has given us. If He takes aways something important to you, He will definitely replace it with much better one. Ive really learned a lot now, from friends and from myself na din. I just wish him the happiness he's looking for and success with his chosen career and his passion for dancing and good health kc sakitin un eh. until now, im still supporting him nman with his dancing and chuva (sa isip lng at puso...hahaha) bsta kung san cya happy, happy na rin ako. totoo yan ah! wlang plastican...heheh. sana maging happy din nman cya sken...hahahah! sana dba may love life na rin ako...d nman sa minamadali ko...gustong gusto lng tlga na magkaron na..haha. i want to have an inspiration na eh. ung tipong paggising mo ng umaga, may txt na cya syo. at alm mong may nagmamahal syo..haaay sarap lng kc ung kinikilig eh..hehe landi ba?! nwei ayoko na sabihin lhat. d kc matatapos toh eh..

my guy...please dumating kna.... :P

--damn! i give up! tnxt ko na cya... kakahiya....nlulungkot na kc ako eh..haayy ayoko na....

Shit! Ayoko na...Im being to fall for someone whose feelings for me are undetermined. Are we just friends? or can we be more than friends? Is it normal for a friend, especially if we've just known for quite some time, to say he misses me so much and sends mushy quotes? that he will always be here for me to protect me? that he's being so gentleman? that he always calls and texts me? He also said that he'll fight for me until the end. And no one cud ever take me away from him...And now that we're friends, he said he's building my trust for us to get closer. what do these all mean? Damn... Pls give me hints. I dont want to get hurt again. Want more?? He also said he dont want to lose me and he'll spend the rest of his life knowing every part of me...oh that was so sweet! But before he said that, he first mentioned that im one of his most treasured friend. Im one of ur most treasured friend but why are you saying those things??? You're doing things that making me like you...even more, fall for you. Why do you have to play safe?

Read these lines then tell me what you think... aside from what ive mentioned awhile ago..
."I know Ive wasted so much time before. For not letting myself be closer to you. That's the part of my life that i regret the most. Now I have my whole time to be closer to you."

"Sino ka sken? Genevieve is onw of my most treasured friend." (my comment---DAMN IT!) "I will fight for her til the end. I dont wana lose her and i will spend the rest of my life knowing every part of hers. " --last line of this statement hits me the most coz that was so sweeeet! no person ever told me that.

Sweet mo nmang friend kng ganon nga...

If you have other intentions other than being friends, please please tell me now pls? Or if its just only friendship..then tell me now also..Im in so much difficulty right now. Why is it that when Im already ready to fall in love, the guy that I want doesnt want me? Am i difficult to love?

Also, why do you have to deal with me that we will never talked about our past? Why not? DBA????All im sure of right now is that im feeling something and im helping myself to stop it because i dont want to get hurt. But while im doing it, youre also doing things that make me continue what im feeling for you. Please if its only friendship, tell me nman pls? Or if there's something beside those actions, then please make it faster. because im so confused now! Super! Bagal mo namn if ever mern nga tlga.. Hahaha!

On the bright side, I really enjoyed your company last friday. Thanks for watching Over the Hedge with me though you're not that interested with movies like that. Thanks for staying with me until past 10 and just talked about nothing. Thanks for taking pictures with me.. Thanks for playing with me at Timezone though you're not playing those things before. Thanks for the food.. Pinapataba mo ako kc big serving or size lage binibili mo. Wish we could do that again and never ka magsawa being with me kahit friends lng. :( but hope we'll get closer even more. And i hope your intentions with me are true and sincere. And that everything you said came from your heart. Thanks for coming into my life. I will never ever regret it. Thanks for always making me smile. Thanks k_______... :)

...

May 16, 2006 - Lunch at Mcdo Paseo Center. Happy nman..Im beginning to feel something but Im not sure if its right and if Im gonna continue this because maybe wlalng namn sa knya toh.. So right now, Im just enjoying his company.. And Im liking it. May 17, 2006 10:30 AM - Me, Gaze and Aileen went out. Eat lang sa Greenbelt, Krocodile. Sayang d kme nkapanood ng movie. Tgal ko na d nkapanood eh. Then as usual, picture picture..Hehe. One of the things tlga na we all enjoy doing together is taking pictures of ourselves..Well, at least enjoy nman eh.. Also someone, all of a sudden ask me out. Im not expecting it because we havent seen each other for years, we havent even talked. He asked me if un nga gusto ko daw lumabas tom, which is today, May 18. I didnt reply. Then he called. Btw, we call him 'wetchick'.. I dunno if lalabas ako ksma cya because there's a funny thing that happened before na parang sobrang nkakatawa na kng mangyyre uli eh..All of my friends knew that thing. sobrang hahaha tlga.. At ayoko ng mangyre un noh! :P Then im not sure then if sasama ako sa knya kc may plan today or tomorrow na lalabas ako with someone else. Not sure nga lng kng tuloy. Pero honestly, Mas gusto ko sumama sa knya eh. D ko alm bkt. Hay promise im just enjoying myself right now. Pero honestly din, i hate to admit it i like him na...Errrh! Not sure of his true intentions tlga kc eh kya right now im just sticking to liking him muna and not going forward na muna.. Mabilis na nman un eh..Hehehe.. Enjoy enjoy lng muna... :P

12:05 PM - Just finished talking with him on the fone...ok kc we were able to open up our past and other personal stuff but all of a sudden, i felt a bit of sadness. There's this something he said to me na parang nalungkot ako bigla. I cant say which one of the things he said that make me say to myself na...'hay, gusto ba tlga nya ako o ndi? friend lng ba or sister turing nya sken?' hay at the same time may mga cnsbe din cya na mas lalong nagpapagulo sa iniicp ko..today ive learned na wag kang maghahanap o maghihintay dahil darating na lng cya if he's really meant for you. now i realized na there are still guys na seryoso at mpagkakatiwalaan. im just so sad and confuse right now... i like him kc. bkt ba kc ung taong gusto mo, ayaw syo or d malaman ung totoong intentions syo??? hay gusto ko manood ng movie para mkalimutan ko muna toh..isip kc ng isip d nman kelangan icpin.. hehehehe!

not in the mood...

i want to know the truth.. but i cant ask him.. its too awkward. in the first place, who am i to ask that question? im just wondering why he's treating me like this... is there something behind that actions? or just nothing... just flirting with me.. eerrrr i dont like flirty people. why cant they just be themselves? why are there people like that? do they find satisfaction while flirting? on the other hand, maybe what im thinking is not true. maybe im just too paranoid and i dont want to happen the things that happened to me in the past. im just afraid. scared actually... thats why im so pissed off with him right now because i really dont know what his real intentions are. tpos sakto tumawag pa cya..err! honestly, im so jealous with the one i saw in his friendster. the first thing that popped out of my mind is "ang flirt mo!kinakapatid ba ng ganito?liar!!!" but who am i to say that dba? we're just friends i think. i dont have the right din nman to let him explain that. kapal ko nman un sobra! and im not like that...the truth is i just like him thats why im feeling this. im just carried away with my feelings. but i know i dont have the right namn dba? thats why....i dont know if im gonna stop or continue with what im feeling...coz i dont want to let this feeling grow if its not right.. ako lng masasaktan...not him. i need to think about this as soon as possible.....

Nice lunch..

i really enjoyed my lunch today.. enjoy kc ung kasama ko.mdj conscious nga lng ako onti. but i really like and very much enjoy his company kht ngyon lng tlga kme naguusap ng ganito..
come what may.... :p

Constantly

Constantly, you’re on my mind
Thinking about you all the time
I can’t sleep no matter what I do
I just keep on thinking ‘bout you

its getting deeper and i cant stop it.. tell me what would i do.. will i stop or continue? coz i dont want to assume.. and i dont know to get hurt again.. im getting confused.. is it just pure admiration or will it go forward from there?

wat is dis im feeling?
i just cant explain.....

happy day..

kainis sarado ayala ave..sa tapat pa ng building nmen tlga. layo tuloy nilakad ko. makati day pla ngyon hehe..nwei, saya saya nung sat.kukulit!congrats pla uli k mich at thanks sa libre hehe...congrats din k aileen kc first time dw naging wasted ng gnon..hehe.sana maulit uli at sana kasama na c she dun. picture galore kme. parang mga probinsyana kc ung mga kasama ko nkainom na. buti ako matino tino pa. kht nasa gitna ng daan sa glorietta, hhinto nlng bigla para magpicture! mga timang tlga, wasted sobra. tpos first time din kc na may nagpakilala saken, samen. kc nga nman ngyon ngyon lng ako nakakapunta sa ganon. mga bolero, mga pacute, d nman cute. hahahaha! mas masaya sana kng d kme agad umuwi. aga pa kc eh. c mich kc kelangan na umuwi. bitin tlga! nxt tym ah! never ko naexperience toh. ngyon lng kc, ngyon kht anong gawin ko pwde, wlang tututol, at d na kelangan png magpaalam. sana sa bday ko nandun c she para complete kme. dba? lapit na bday ko eh. at least kht cla ng makaalala at makasama ko ok na ko. ung iba kc d nman nla naalala bday ko at ung iba galit ata sken kaya cyempre d ko nman cla pwde invite. hehe nagdrama na nman ako. gift ko ah! bawal walang gift.. :P nwei, sakto nung nkauwi ako sa haus, may nagtxt sken. mas sumaya tuloy ako. hehe. tgal kong ktxt, naubos load ko. hehe. sana tuloy tuloy na ung ganon. wla nman msma eh. :P just want to mark the date, may 6, 2006. and may 3, 2006 i saw mikko sa g4. wearing yellow polo at ganon parin itsura. basang sisiw. jk. makakalimutin kc ako eh.

saya saya ko today..sobra!cant explain..lalng...

Incomplete

labo ko nman...knina masaya ako ngyon feeling ko sobrang kulang kulang buhay ko.i know to myself na ok na ko pero bkit may mga times parin like now na sobrang nalulungkot ako. bkt pa kc kelangan may point na gnito na naiicp mo ung past eh...bkt naging sobrang tanga ako? sbe nila matalino ako pero bkt wen it comes to this matter, ang tanga tanga ko. i feel so incomplete right now. i need someone who will take care of me, show me his love and attention. i feel so alone. feeling ko im just pretending to be happy lng eh by enjoying myself, keeping busy, going out with friends and shopping pero there's still this side of me na hindi ko maintindihan. but im sure na tlga na i got over him na. right now, i really just need someone who will love me and will never hurt me like that and respect me and accept me for who i am and what i can only offer him. bkt ung iba jan dme dme nanliligaw na knila, bkt ako wla...ganon na ba ako kapanget at d approachable tignan? im being friendly na nga eh. maybe d pa right time pero sana dumating na, sana malapit na. sana bukas na. sorry nagiging tanga na nman ako ngyon. i know i dont deserve what im feeling right now. d ko nalng isipin. isipin ko lng magkikita kme tom ng friends ko. masaya un kc gigimik kme. hay life tlga. i just thankful nanjan c Lord para patibayin loob ko. thank you po!

The human philosophy:

"Why do we always reject those who love us
and love someone who doesn't love us in the first place?

Answer:
"unconsciously we enjoy being hurt..."

--------------------------------------------------------

God will never leave you empty
He will always replace whatever you've lost
If He ask you to put something down
Its because He wants you to pick up something BETTER..

To my friends

I cant explain how happy I am right now. Though God took someone/something really important away from me, He makes sure that He will replace whatever uve lost with something better. Im not saying that Ive already found the guy God has destined for me (kc wla pa..at hindi ako naghahanap.) but He never stops from showering me with so much blessings right now,so many opportunities and so many friends who really cares for me. Im really blessed to have them khit na nawala ako sa knila dti because of a guy, nanjan parin cla ngyon para sken. Kht pinagpalit ko sila dti sa knya. That's what you call true friends, always there for you no matter what happens. Thanks so much to mich na nanjan parati, darating siya agad isang text ko lang, same with aileen and gaze, na samahan ako khit kain lng ng dinner at usap lng and to she na kahit malayo, nagbibigay parin ng advice for my own sake. ttxt at ttwagan pa ako nyan! Ganyan tlga pagfriends. If you have problems naman, nanjan din ako para sa inyo to listen. d nga lng marunong magadvice ng sobrang ganda. I really thank God that I met you from the very first day of our class in APC. at nakakasama ko parin kyo until now. Friends for life ok? Pretty gurls flock together tlga....hahahaha! PLs pray for me na rin sa pnupursue ko ngyon...Alm mo na un mich at she...dba nagaapply ako ngyon?Given the chance, I really wont let opportunity just passed by me. Grab ko na agd un...Kaya pls pray for me friends.nwei, wag na pagusapan bka maudlot. To mich, at last ggraduate kna...Congratulations! And good luck sayo.. To my friends, i love you all so much, same with arman and lester. Naalala ko lng nung may problem ako, I went to Globe (nagiintern c mich and lester there during that time). While waiting for mich, nandun c lester. Touched lng ako kc nandun ka, giving me advices and comforting me. Thanks so much. You're a real friend tlga. Miss you! That's all of my kadramahan..I just hope someone is really destined for me who Ill be with for the rest of my life. For that someone, hanapin mo na ko. Naghihintay lng ako. Sana gwapo ka...hehehe baliw. gtg!

At last....

hay at last may blog na ko...nasa circulation na ko ninyo mich, aileen at she...since its an online diary, pwde ko sabihin lhat. hay kaboring dto sa office. gusto ko na lumipat.mabago nman mga taong nsa paligid ko at para i could meet someone nman. dto kc wla eh..ung crush ko dto dti wla na, nagresign na. miss ko na friends ko. c mich, aileen, gaze at she. sana makalabas tyo uli. hehe pti cyempre c arman miss ko na at c lester na long hair na at daddy na.i miss those days tlga, magkakasama tyong lhat. wlang problema. sana totoong papakilala sken ni she ung cousin nya. gwapo daw eh! at tga ibm pa..i wonder anong itsura nya.. d nga binanggit ni she ung name eh.

sobrang stressed out ako today.napagod ako sa lakad nmen ni mich kahapon. sobra! sakit ng katawan ko. wish ko nga lng pwde ako magabsent kso kakaabsent ko lng kahapon eh. uwi nlng ako agd later para mkapahinga. alryt mya nlng uli! mwah to all!