We've been seeing almost most of our times. I feel happy whenever I'm with him. There are no pretentions. I can do whatever I want. I can speak out loud what's in my mind. But.. Yes there is a but. But, there are still lots of thoughts and questions in my mind. And they keep on pouring out each and every day that passed by. Each time I feel that I have to let out something, I just cry. I have to. I can't tell him that. I tried to tell him what I really feel once or twice. And I just got dismayed by his reaction. He didn't do anything. He just said sorry. And that's it. It's a simple sorry and by the way he told me that, I felt he really will not do anything about it. And I just have to accept his apology. I don't know when this will gonna stop AGAIN. Coz I'm not looking forward to it. But I feel that's gonna again SOON. When she gets back, I will be forgotten again. I will be left in the corner like some kind of a toy that can't be repaired anymore. Bitter? Negative thinker? Well, I'm just expecting the worst that can probably happen. I also thought that we'll never be more than friends. That's already far from reality to happen. Also, I thought that the more I interfere with their relationship, the more they get stronger. So might as well not interfere them and just be ok with them. I lost. :( Indeed, reality bites. And it really hurts.
What's happening to me right now is going on circles for years already. And for that years, I've never changed. I'm still stupid, numb and blind. When will I get my right senses? When the right person comes... I guess.
On the other side of my life, I'm starting the hate my new schedule. I miss my social life. And I guess I can't live without them. Coz that's the only thing that gets me going and keeps me happy and alive. And I think I'm lifeless now. My life is so damn boring. Sleep. Eat. Go to work. Sleep. Eat. Go to work. Damn! How can I get thin with that routine? I hope and I pray for a new opportunity to come my way. I'll grab it immediately I swear! Haaay oh well.. This is the risk I have to accept when I decided to transfer to a new company. Just give me more time to digest it.
Btw, I miss my friends. I miss multiply. I miss friendster. I miss blogging. I miss movies. I miss tambay at Starbs. I miss chillin'. I miss the malls. I miss the boys. I miss everything I used to be doing before in OCS. But I have to accept my new life now. I love my work. I just hate my schedule. :(
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