i hate tuesday...

only a day before his departure.
i think i cant..
im getting depressed.
i havent slept well.
so many thoughts on my mind..
my head is spinning.
my head is aching.
but i need to report to office.
to keep myself busy.
but i really cant concentrate.
he's always been on my mind for the last few days.
i even dreamt of him.
i dont know if im gonna enjoy my beach outing this weekend.
i hope so.
i need to keep him out of my mind.
but i really cant imagine that i wont be able to see him again.
cant imagine that he's already beyond my reach.
cant imagine that he left.
cant imagine that he left me just like that.
are we back to being strangers?
what will we be after a certain period of time?
will we still communicate?
will he still get in touch with me?
i just saw him for less than an hour last night.
that wasnt enough.
but what can i do? he planned to show up just for a while.
that was the last moment i had with him.
and it breaks my heart knowing there isnt gonna be a next one.
though im just one of his friends... he's everything to me.
i miss him already.
im gonna miss him big time.
i wont be able to text or call him whenever i want to..
i think i really cant.. i swear..
what will i do? nothing! coz this is reality.. and i cant change his destiny.
thats what he wants.
thats for his future.
it sucks that im still loving him.
it sucks that im hurting like this.
it sucks that i cant get over him.
it sucks that im always being left out by people i really care about.

i want to see him now.
but he's busy.
he already took this day off.
he's packing up.
he's arranging important things.
and there's no more time for me.
there's no more time for us to see for the last time.
time does not permit me to see him again.....
time and destiny doesnt permit us to be together.
and i hate it!!!

there's no one who could help me but myself.
i need to be strong.
or should i say, i need to pretend to be strong to cover up my torn heart.

hope tomorrow wont come.
hope it will forever be a MONDAY.
hope time will freeze.

but then again.. I've got to get a move on with my life.. though it hurts. it really hurts big time..

Just a favor: Please don't ask anything from me regarding this one. I don't want to talk about this.